


Leaving him behind

by TheresMusicInMyEars



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Awesome Gwaine, BAMF Gwen, Episode: s05e01 Arthur's Bane, Fluff, Forgive Me, Gen, Good Mordred, Hurt Merlin, I may find the will to rewrite this one day, OOC characters, Protective Arthur, Sappiness, dubious descriptions of illness and injury, gen - Freeform, merlin whump, the bromance is strong in this one, written when I was in high school
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-23
Updated: 2014-12-09
Packaged: 2018-01-09 17:30:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 22,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1148846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheresMusicInMyEars/pseuds/TheresMusicInMyEars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For all those people who were ticked off when Merlin was left behind at the end of "Arthur's Bane." What if the Diamair didn't completely heal Merlin and he was left all alone in the dark, by himself... When the knights left Merlin behind in the caves, they didn't realise just how big of an impact it would have.</p><p>Or: When Merlin gets hurt because the knights were stupid and Arthur suddenly realises that his life would pretty much be over if he lost his little brother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> So basically this fanfic is because I was just so frustrated when I saw the knights walking out of those caves in Arthur's Bane and leaving Merlin behind! And THEN he was just, suddenly back at Camelot, helping Mordred with his armor, which made me go, WHAT THE HELL! So I decided to write this.
> 
> This first part is the Prologue so it's really short. And it's in Mordred's POV
> 
> Warnings: Mordred is not evil in this story, well not at the beginning. At them moment he's just vengeful...

A thousand emotions were rapidly building up within him, pooling in his stomach and rising quickly, boiling, simmering, reaching for the surface. They confused him, tugging him in different directions, pulling him this way and that, twisting his thoughts, blurring the difference between right and wrong.

But three emotions dominated the rest, the first being anger and resentment, the other… guilt. The anger and resentment were directed at the man that was lying not ten feet away from him, the guilt was for what he was about to do.

Gripping Arthur firmly, Mordred made a move for the exit of the cave. For a moment, he glanced back at Emrys, sprawled on the ground, skin even more pasty than usual, barely breathing. The younger Warlock flinched back towards the King's manservant, moving as if to help him. He looked so fragile.

But Mordred clenched his teeth, 'he tried to stop you from escaping remember?' a nasty voice echoed through his mind.

'He doesn't trust you, he's terrified of you! He'd be likely to kill you if he had the chance!'

The young man glanced back at Merlin for a fleeting moment, not finding it within him to believe that someone so pure, so sweet and kind could ever do such a thing. But he knew for a fact that the Warlock could, for he'd witnessed it with his own eyes, because when it came to protecting his King, Merlin would do anything to keep Arthur safe.

So, breathing a sigh, the druid continued his way out of the caves, hauling Camelot's king along with him. He made it about twenty feet before he was greeted by the voices of Arthur's worried knights. They raced towards him; one of them lugging Arthur's other arm over his shoulder and helped him move blond man out of the caves. Together, the knights helped them out, simultaneously firing questions at him, asking what had happened. But he had no answer.

Eventually they reached the exit and gladly welcomed the light of the sun.

"Hey," a knight with dark skin turned to him, "you look a bit tired. Why don't you rest for a minute? We'll take Arthur."

The rest of the knights nodded in agreement and Mordred was surprised to find that there was genuine concern in their eyes. The expressions were like a blow to the stomach as guilt once again washed over him. 'They wouldn't look at me like that if they knew what I have done to their friend,' he thought bitterly.

Taking a deep breath he replied, "Sure, thankyou Sir…."

"Elyan," he supplied and then motioned to the rest of the group, "this is Percival, Gwaine and Leon, we're all knights of the Round Table." He paused, "thankyou… for rescuing our King."

"It was just the right thing to do…" he muttered in response, ducking his head.

"Well yes, but you still needn't have done it." One of the other knights, 'Gwaine' he thought, stated kindly. Then he felt the pressure of Arthur's arm around his shoulders leave him, as the knights took him away.

Mordred waited a moment before following though and turned back to the cave's entrance. Expression grim, he lifted his hand up in a kind of salute.

"You left me to die Emrys," he whispered, "now we're even."

And with that, he turned back and moved to join the rest, moving away from the caves, away from Emrys. He kept his expression blank and put all his concentration into avoiding tripping over the course earth, ignoring the waves of guilt that were crashing over him.


	2. Painful realisations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The knights realise that they're missing one crucial group member and Arthur's not happy at all when he wakes up to find his manservant nowhere in sight.

_"If Mordred isn't Arthur's bane, then who is?"_

_"Himself"_

Merlin lay in silence, pondering the words of the Diamair. What could it possibly have meant? What would Arthur do that will be so terrible, so horrific that it could be his downfall. The young man clenched his eyes shut and tried to quench the need to burst into tears. He had spent, almost a  _decade_ protecting this man, his friend, from friend and foe alike. But  _never_ had he thought the day would come, when he would have to protect Arthur from himself.

Arthur… Merlin's face contorted to one of confusion and his eyebrows furrowed. Then realisation hit him.

"ARTHUR!" He cried in shock and worry, bolting into a sitting position, whipping his head around, eyes searching every corner of the cave for his friend only to find no trace of him.

Panic seized him and Merlin moved to get up, in order to expand his search. Scrambling to his feet, he stumbled a few feet before collapsing back to the ground, clutching his head as pain swept through him like a raging inferno.

His fingers clawed at his skull and pressed against his temple as if in an attempt to numb it. His head was throbbing, stomach churning and his body ached and burned. Thoughts blurred, merging into one and his vision swirled as his world tipped off its axis.

The servant's breaths came out in choked gasps, harsh and raspy. The pain was overwhelming him, surging through his veins and clouding his mind. He wanted it to end, to melt away, he wanted the fire to leave him, wanted the burning to stop.

Merlin was losing his grip on reality, but just as it was about to slip away, he found himself latching on. Holding on to his senses with an iron grip, Merlin made an attempt to push past the pain and found his vision clearing. Moving slowly, Merlin shifted forward, making small, stuttered movements across the floor of the caves as he tried to ignore the continuous throbbing.

And after what seemed like hours, he finally reached the exit. Glancing up the long tunnel, Merlin saw no one. Tears of pain welled up in his eyes and spilled down his cheeks.

"Help," he gasped out, "somebody! Anybody!" And as nobody answered, Merlin found himself coughing, choking on the air around him as feelings of shock and despair coursed through him.

"P-Please..." he rasped.

Black spots began to obscure his vision as the pain returned full-force and more tears began to leak out. The warlock's arms shook and gave way beneath him, bringing him fully to the ground.

 _"They've abandoned me, they've left me behind,"_  he thought; hurt filling him as the words echoing through his mind.

And then the black overwhelmed him, wrapping around him like a blanket and he was falling, falling into an abyss as reality melted away. Darkness enveloped him... and Merlin welcomed it.

 

**~oO0**0Oo~**

Miles away, the knights and Mordred had set up camp in a clearing. The fire was crackling happily, embers glowing as everyone recounted their tales of the past few weeks. Gasps of horror and yells of disbelief resounded off the trees as the group talked.

It was when Gwaine was in the middle of telling everyone about the strange light he saw in the caves, that it happened.

"He's waking up!" cried out Percival as a low groan was heard from Arthur's direction. Scrambling to their feet, they crowded him quickly, concern and relief filling their faces as the man's eyes fluttered open. But they quickly filled with worry as Arthur's expression turned to panic.

Thrusting his arms out, he grasped at their arms, speaking rapidly, "Injured… wall… Morgana… was hurt…"

The knights exchanged looks of confusion and concern.

Leon spoke up, "Arthur," he said gently, "we can't understand you. You're going to have to calm down for us and then speak very,  _very_  slowly."

Arthur clenched his eyes shut and took a deep, shuddering breath before rasping out, "He was hurt… badly… slammed… wall… Merlin. W-Where's Merlin?"

The young King looked at them in desperation, no one noticing Mordred shifting uncomfortably in the background.

The knights glanced at each other, faces morphing into panic, quickly turning to scan the clearing, Arthur watching them worriedly, the panic never leaving his face. Then, they slowly turned back to look each other again, jaws slack with horror as the truth hit them. Gwaine chose that moment to voice the thought that was resounding through their minds.

"Oh  _crap_ ,"


	3. Explaining to Arthur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Arthur is pissed off and the Knights valiantly try to defend their actions.

"What do you mean  _you don't know where he is_?" Arthur thundered, anger coursing through his veins as he stared at the guilty knights. The young king was fuming, having stood in front of his men (and Mordred) for the past ten minutes as they tried to stutter out explanations.

The group shuffled awkwardly, pained looks filling their faces. They hadn't even  _felt_ that something was amiss until Arthur had had woken up, the words that tumbled from his lips igniting dread in their stomachs. Dread, that slowly turned to horror as they realised what they had done, as the realised the truth. And the realisation felt like a blow to the gut; harsh and painful.

Arthur rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed, "After everything that we have been through together, I just  _can't_ believe that you forgot him.

Elyan stepped forward cautiously and grimaced "we didn't see him, Sire; I guess we just assumed he was with us... like he always is."

Behind him the knights nodded in agreement with the statement and Gwaine slid to the ground, dropping his face into his hands.

"I guess we just took it for granted," he mumbled, his voice muffled behind his fingers.

All head snapped up to look at him their faces morphing into ones of confusion, "What?"

The knights lifted his head to look at them, jaw clenched, as if in pain, "Merlin's always managed to escape situations like that one, it's what he does. No matter what knocks him down, he always manages to get back on his feet, always managing to heal. And no matter what's happened, he's always been  _there_ , always with us, always helping us," Gwaine smiled sadly, "I guess we just assumed he'd be there this time as well."

All was silent for a moment, as the words sank in, but Arthur was still looking at them in obvious confusion. "But…. Merlin was like… ten feet away from me down in the caves. Surely you saw him down there!"

The knights glanced at each other, frowning. It was Percival that chose to break the silence, "Sire, perhaps the reason that we didn't see Merlin, was because we weren't the one to find you down there." He stated, "we were on our way down to find you when we… ran into Mordred, he was the one who found you."

"Mordred?" Arthur asked, incredulous.

The knights nodded, slowly turning towards the ex-druid, who in all honesty, looked like all he wanted to do was hide.

But as Arthur looked up at the young man and saw the fear that shone in his eyes he felt all the anger that he had just,  _melt away_. Because as soon as his eyes fell on Mordred, his mind flashed back to the little boy that he, Merlin and Morgana had saved from the pyre. And for some reason, he just couldn't bring himself to be mad at him.

"Mordred," he said softly, "did you see Merlin down in the caves?"

The boy looked reluctant, but nodded, causing Arthur to grit his teeth.

"And why didn't you tell anyone about him?"

"W-well," he stuttered, "I just had to get you out of there Sire, as I wasn't strong enough to help both of you. B-by the time that your men came along and we got out of the caves, I completely forgot about Merlin. I did mean to go back for him though, h-honestly"

The group's expressions softened at the pleading look on Mordred's face, not having it in them to berate the young man.

Gwaine opened his mouth to speak, wincing, as if what he was about to say pained him. "What state was he in?" he whispered.

"Sorry?" Mordred asked, "I didn't catch that."

"I said,  _what state_  was he in?" Gwaine spoke louder, "what condition was Merlin in when you left?"

"Well you see, that's the thing," Mordred whispered, "Morgana had thrown him at the wall, the impact knocking him out. When I left… his hair appeared to be matted with blood… he was barely breathing…"

On the last word, Mordred's voice cracked and he ducked his head, while the rest of the group exchanged looks of horror. They sat in silence, the anger and worry coursing through their veins as the implications of that statement sank in. As they realised… that Merlin might not make it.

Then, the sound of crunching leaves and clanking metal broke the silence bringing the men out of their reverie. Gwaine had gotten stood up and was fiddling with his armour.

Leon cleared his throat, in an attempt to get the other knight's attention. Gwaine paused in his movements and spun around, observing their baffled looks, his expression morphed into one of anger.

"Well?" he snapped, startling them, "what are you lot sitting around for? Come on!"

Realisation dawned on Arthur and he quickly followed suit, leaving behind the confused group.

"Umm… I'm sorry but, what?" Leon asked.

Gwaine glowered at them, "Oh dear gods," he muttered, " _we_  are going to find Merlin. Feel free to come along if you wish!"

Their mouths dropped open and they immediately looked sheepish.

"Idiots," Gwaine muttered, as he and Arthur left the clearing. They paused for a moment as the others scrambled to their feet and rushed after them.

"Arthur?" Elyan spoke, "what if there are still some of Morgana's men down in the caves?"

Arthur shrugged, "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

"And what about Morgana herself?"

Arthur opened his mouth to respond, and then stopped, frowning, having not thought about it. Glancing at Morded he asked, "What exactly happened to her?"

"Umm… I kind of… stabbed her?"

The group blinked, halting for a moment in shock, before Gwaine turned around and grinned at the boy, "You my friend, bring a whole new meaning to the term 'stabbed in the back'."

Mordred blushed, "W-well…"

Arthur cut him off, "We'll talk about  _that_ later. For now let's just focus on getting to the caves." He stated, and the group hurriedly started moving again.

"Now," the young king started, "you Mordred, are going to have to show us  _exactly_ where you left Merlin."

 


	4. Finding him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Arthur's harsh whisper broke the air and all movement came to a halt. "Here," he said, voice breaking, "he's over here."

He trudged after the knights, having a difficult time keeping up with the fast pace of the older men. Guilt still throbbed in his chest, though the pressure had lessened slightly as the hours went by. Leaving Merlin… wasn't a necessary thing to do and if he were to be honest with himself then he would admit that the grudge against the man that he had held as a child had long-since faded. But the thing was… something told him that getting rid of Merlin would help him, with what, he wasn't entirely sure, but he just  _knew_ that it was essential.

Playing the innocent bystander wasn't difficult, he had had much practice before, although, the guilt and shame were very real. Guilt for leaving him behind, injured, hopeless, fragi-

Mordred halted his thoughts, and berated himself,  _why should he feel guilty?_ It wasn't as if  _he_  and Emrys were friends. No, if anyone should be feeling bad at the moment it should be the men that he was currently walking with. The  _Knights of the Round_ Table the ones that Emrys had served for almost a decade, continuously risking his life for. Emrys was practically a King,  _damn it_  he was practically a  _God._ And yet, he stayed, stayed in a position where he was treated as lesser, as a servent. And he stayed  _for_ them. How could they just forget him? How could they leave him after  _everything_  that Emrys had sacrificed for them?

Ahead he could hear shouts as the King reprimanded his friends, his rage prominent from even where Mordred was standing. He watched as the men ducked their heads in shame, shouting apologies and crying out in denial as their Monarch accused them of not caring for the younger man, the servant, their friend.

 _No,_ he decided,  _no_  he  _shouldn't_  be the one feeling guilty…  _so why did he? Why did he hurt so much?_

**~oO0**0Oo~  
  
**

After hours of stumbling through forests, tripping over rocks and constant arguing, the group finally arrived at their destination. By this time the sun was starting to peek over the trees, the glow illuminating the area and casting light over the snow, creating a glimmering field of ice crystals. With the sky now the colour of a fresh bruise, shades of pink and purple smattered across the sky, the valley was breathtaking. But sadly, this only served to make the dark fortress standing in the distance all the more daunting.

"It's a lot…  _scarier_ then I remember it," Percival muttered, the others nodding in agreement, slightly out of breathe after the journey.

Arthur scoffed, pushing passed the group and continuing towards the looming structure, "You lot have seen things far worse than this! So stop being such wimps and let's go find my idiot of a manservant."

The others grimaced, but their expressions were ones of grim determination and they surged forward, quickening their pace; their desperation to save their friend outweighing their fear of the, now deserted fortress. They would save Merlin, they  _had to_.  


 

**~oO0**0Oo~**

"So it's just through here, isn't it?" Arthur asked as they walked through the tunnel leading to the cavern where he had had his confrontation with his sister.

The others nodded in response, Mordred raising a hand and pointing to the opening that lay ahead, I found you in there, your Majesty."

The group exchanged a weary glance, their hesitation speaking volumes. A series of emotions overwhelming them, caught between desperation to find and save their friend, and worry over what they'll find.

"Was she dead?" Elyan asked, turning to Mordred, " _Morgana_ , was she dead?"

Mordred shrugged, "I don't think I killed her, I did however, severely injure her. She was unconscious when I left the caves."

Gwaine flicked a glance at the boy, "Do you think she was capable of injuring Merlin?"

"I think in her state, her main priority would have been to save herself."

The older man nodded, before turning to the pale King, "You alright Princess?"

The eyes of the man in question were slightly glazed over, and his hands flickered, as tremors ran through them. "No," he whispered quietly, slowly shaking his head, "no I'm not. I can't deal with this again; I can't deal with losing him."

Taking a deep breath, he lifted his head and turned to the others, "Well? What are you all standing there for?"

The question snapped them back to reality and they leapt forward, hurrying down the tunnel, and stumbling into the cavern. One held up a torch, in an attempt to shed light on the dark room and they hurried forward, searching the area for any sign of their friend.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Arthur's harsh whisper broke the air, and all movement came to a halt. "Here," he said, voice breaking, "he's over here."

They rushed over to where Arthur was crouched over an unmoving figure, one that lay about ten feet from the cave entrance. Percival lifted his torch, illuminating Merlin's pale face. His eyebrows were furrowed and his expression was one of pain.

"Oh gods," Gwaine whispered.

Elyan gently pressed a hand to the back of the servants head, then drew back to inspect his fingers, they were red. "There's a fair bit of blood here, this head wound is really bad."

Gwaine nodded, not taking his eyes off of his friend, "We need to get him back to Gaius, quickly, he's barely breathing."

And while they talked about how they could move the boy without causing future damage and how they could possibly stop the blood-flow, none noticed Arthur's silence.

Tears dripped steadily down the blond man's cheeks and he rested a hand over the raven's chest. "Please," he whispered, "you're my best-friend Merlin. You may be an idiot, but I need you, I can't do this without you. Please Merlin I can't lose you, you  _can't_ do this to me again."

The young King shook his head, leaning forward, he whispered what sounded like an order in the other man's ear, "You _can't_  leave. I won't let you."


	5. Return to Camelot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because no matter how much they wanted to rest, no matter how much they needed to, the fact remained that their friend's condition was getting worse by the minute. His life was but the flame of a candle, flickering in the breeze.

They walked for hours, watching as the sun drifted across the sky, as the clouds passed by; suppressing any fatigue and struggling not to fall asleep. Over time, the splashes of colour that were once decorating the horizon had melted away; leaving behind a stretch of magnificent blue, speckled with wisps of white and grey.

By midday the sun was hanging directly above them, bathing them in harsh light and nipping at their skin, but still, they pushed on. Because no matter how much they wanted to rest, no matter how much they  _needed_ to, the fact remained that their friend's condition was getting worse by the minute. His life was but the flame of a candle,  _flickering_  in the breeze.

The knights were constantly offering to carry Merlin, trying to make their King see sense, but Arthur refused to let his servant be taken from his arms.

It wasn't that he didn't trust the others to be gentle with the young man,  _no of course not_. It was the dwelling fear that each breath the raven took would be his last, the lingering notion that, with Merlin here, he might have the smallest amount of control over his friend's fate.

"Sire," Leon spoke up, for perhaps the twelfth time, "maybe you should relent and hand Merlin to someone el-"

"I'm perfectly capable of carrying my own manservant  _Leon_ ," Arthur snapped, cutting the Knight off with a tired glare, "just… just leave it."

That was the last time that anyone made an attempt at convincing their King to give up. For seeing the broken expression on the man's face was enough to make their own hearts ache with grief, more than they already were.

It was almost nightfall when they reached Camelot, not having stopped for any breaks along the way; the sky a pink and purple haze as the sun dropped behind the trees.

They were a mess of stumbling feet, drooping eyes and stifled yawns by that time, but their expressions were still ones of grim determination. And when the first caught site of the city, as the broke through the forest's boundaries, they felt relief wash over them like a calming breeze.

The words, "It's him! King Arthur has returned!" pierced the air as the joyful guards spotted them approaching from their position at the gates, and they rushed to them, pleased and relieved. Only to have their faces fall as they spotted Merlin, skin pale and chest rattling with each breath as he lay nestled in the Kings arm.

Arthur nodded grimly, "My manservant was injured by the Lady Morgana and we need to get him to Gaius,  _quickly_." He stated, "Two of you lead us through the town and up to the castle, the rest of you stay here and resume you posts," he ordered.

The men nodded in response and two stepped forward to guide them through the town, clearing pathways so they could easily walk through the crowded streets. Peasants, knights and nobles gawped as the passed, eyes wide and jaws slack, momentarily silent as they watched on. Gasps and sobs cut through the silence as people caught site of the King's manservant, chalk-white and unmoving.

Merlin was well known among the people, often coming down to the lower town as he ran an errand or simply because he wanted to see them. He was their brother, their son and for many, their best-friend. With the kindest of souls, the widest of smiles and wisdom that most could never hope to gain.

Seeing him like this... was like a knife to the chest.

The group passed through the crowds silently, their gaze directed pointedly at the castle, their hearts thudding against their ribcages in anticipation. Their pace quickening as they entered the citadel, eager to get to Gaius, eager to see their friend open his eyes once more.

"Arthur!" Gwen's cry pierced the air as they walked swiftly into the courtyard; greeted by the sight of the young Queen hurrying down the front steps, red garments fluttering in the wind and billowing around her feet as she rushed towards her husband.

The people parted quickly as she moved towards them, "Arthur, what-"

She stopped in her tracks, eyes becoming fixed on the body that lay, limp in Arthur's arms. "Merlin," she whispered, horror filling her features as she clapped a hand to her mouth, tears welling in her eyes.

"No," she whimpered, shaking her head, "Nononononono! Not again." She stumbled back a few steps, dropping her face into her hands.

"Not again, not again..."

"Your majesty," several servants stepped forward in concern, only to have her push them away.

Still shaking her head, Gwen stepped toward the group, jaw clenched in a way that many had seen before, "What happened?"

"Morgana," Arthur stated grimly, gritting his teeth.

The young Queen nodded, before turning on her heal and stalking back up the marble steps, everyone else immediately following, rushing to Gaius's chambers.  
  


**~oO0**0Oo~  
  
**

They barged into the room, door slamming open as they entered, the ruckus startling the very man they were looking for.

Gaius jumped, a vial that contained a suspicious looking liquid slipping out of his hands and smashing as it hit the floor. The aging man turned to look at them, a scowl set firmly on his face as he prepared to reprimand them. A scowl, that promptly vanished as he noticed their conditions and, more importantly, his ward's condition.

"Sire," he exclaimed, rushing to clear the contents of the patient's examination table, "what on Earth happened?"

The blond man, gently set his servant on the bench, barely glancing at the physician he answered, " _Morgana_  is what happened. She used magic, Merlin gained a head injury, was knocked unconscious and was _alone_ for a number of hours because these  _idiots_ left him _behind._ "

The King turned once more to scowl at the guilty group.

"Okay," Gaius sighed, searching through his supplies, "has he ble-"

But before he could get anymore words out of his mouth he was cut off, as a certain woman in the room let out an indignant squawk.

"WHAT?" she exclaimed, looking at the knights, "You did, WHAT?"

They shuffled nervously, their shoulders hunched in shame as Gwen's harsh words rang in their ears. Leon bit his lip, glancing up at the fuming Queen nervously, "My Lady, we didn't intend to-"

"Didn't intend to what? Leave one of your closest friends for dead?" she whispered, eyes narrow in anger. The group gulped and simultaneously took a step back.

Arthur chuckled slightly, blanching as his wife turned on him, "And where were  _you_ , in all of this Arthur?"

"Unconscious."

"….okay, you're free to go." She said, before flicking her gaze back to the cowering knights, "Now  _you_ on the other hand…"

Arthur snorted, stepping forward and resting a hand on Gwen's shoulder, "Guinevere I've already done this with them and don't worry, I'll be sure to dish out some punishment. But," he added, when she opened her mouth in protest, "if you're really that angry then you can have a go at them later. But for now… let's just focus on my manservant."

She bit her lip, hands still on hips and ducked her head slightly in thought, before glancing up at her husband and nodding in agreement.

Quickly, everyone crowded the work bench, stepping back slightly when Gaius sent a glare in their direction. Said man had just finished examining the head wound and was pulling off the makeshift bandage they had created, replacing it with a fresh one.

He then stepped away from the bench and looked at the group in concern, "How long ago, was he injured, exactly?"

Arthur frowned in though before answering, "A bit over a day I suppose."

The physician grimaced causing the others to pale.

"He'll be okay, won't he?" Gwaine asked.

"The head wound is fairly bad, but it appears that there are no cracks in the skull, so nothing too bad should occur. However, due to the fact that it is likely that Merlin is concussed, and has been bleeding for a rather long period of time, the damage may, in truth, be quite severe. Our main concern will likely be blood loss, but I won't know any more until he wakes up."

He stopped, letting the group absorb the information. After a few moments of tense silence, Arthur spoke up, "But… do you have any idea if he'll be okay or not?"

The physician sighed, looking down at his ward sadly, "Honestly sire, it's like I said, I won't know any more until he wakes up,  _if_ he wakes up." He added in a whisper, "but until then, it's up to the Gods to decide his fate, until then… we can only hope."


	6. Waiting it out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur smiled sadly at her, "I just… I just hope that he's okay."
> 
> "It's just that," he mumbled, "I never- I never told him that I… that I…" he trailed off, choking back a sob as he tried to hide his tears.

_They sat there for hours, solemn and anxious as Gaius worked to save their friend. Occasionally conversation would spark up and Gwen would give the knights a few verbal tongue lashing, forcing them to feel even more guilt. But other than that, all was silent, as if the world was holding its breath in anticipation. As if Earth had stopped moving, only to center on Merlin. For at this moment, at this time, at this place, all these people cared about, was their young friend…_

"Mordred you may retire if you wish," Arthur spoke up glancing over at the tired boy, "I'll have you escorted to some guest chambers where you can stay for as long as you need."

The ex-druid glanced up, passing a hand over tired eyes and frowning, "That is very generous of you, Sire, but if I am able to do so, I would like to stay and see how Merlin fairs-"

Gaius waved a hand, cutting him off, "That's nonsense Lad, it'll be a long time yet before this boy awakens and until then, you best get some rest." He said with a pointed look, "You look like death warmed over and from what I've heard; you've been up for more than two days."

"But-"

"Go."

Arthur stood and moved over to the guards that stood by the door. They talked for a few moments and the men nodded in agreement, before Arthur turned and walked back to Mordred.

"Those guards will lead you to some guest chambers where you can rest for the night, if you choose to stay here in Camelot then we will find you a more permanent residence." Arthur explained, nodding towards the door, "and you needn't worry, if anything happens to Merlin, if he wakes up, you shall be alerted."

The boy looked reluctant and bit his lip, giving the King's manservant one last, long look, before nodding.

"Very well Sire, that is very generous of you," he answered, before nodding to the rest of the room's occupants in good night and walking out the door.

Arthur then resumed his seat and they continued their silent state, only to be broken again a few minutes later. Gwen had glanced toward the door, watching as Mordred left, her lips curving into a soft smile.

"He's a nice boy isn't he?" she smiled, eyes gleaming with fondness, "I think I like him. Well…" she added with a raised eyebrow, "I like him a lot more than I like you lot right now."

Elyan sighed in exasperation, "How many times do we have to say we're sorry?"

Gwen scowled at her brother and stood, pointing to the pale figure that lay, pale and unmoving on the bed. "You only have to say sorry  _once._  Not to  _me_ ,to  _him_. Because _he's_  the one that got hurt in all of this and  _he_  should be the one to receive apologies. Whether he forgives you or not is another point entirely."

The knights squirmed slightly under her stare, but Elyan still found the strength to speak, "If he forgives us. Yes, well  _that_  won't happen until he wakes up will it? So will you lay off for a moment,  _please_ Gwen, we fell terrible enough as it is without your constant reminders."

" _If_  he wakes up," Gwaine mumbled, "you said ' _until_  he wakes up'. But we don't know if he will or not."

Elyan sighed, dropping his face into his hands, "Yeah, yeah I know…"

Gaius cleared his throat, dragging their attention to him, "Now, if you're all quite finished ( _insert eyebrow of death_ ). You are all quite tired and everyone here, besides Gwen, hasn't slept in days. The majority of you are suffering the effects of sleep deprivation and it really is best that you all get to bed."

The group scrambled to their feet and immediately started to voice their protest regarding the matter.

"But Merlin-"

"What if he wakes up?"

"What if something happens?"

"We can't leave!"

"We are  _not_ tired."

"I've stayed awake ages longer than this!"

"Do we really want to know  _why_ Gwaine?"

"….no probably not."

Gaius raised a hand to silence them, "This is not up for debate. As your Physician I implore you to go and  _get some rest_ ; for the sake of your health and, if not for you,  _for Merlin_. Do you really think that he would be happy that you've been risking your own health for the sake of sitting by his bedside?"

"Well-"

"No," he continued, "he wouldn't; now off to bed, all of you. I shall send word if there is any change."

So, reluctantly, the group heaved themselves out of their chairs and left the room, dragging their feet and struggling to keep their eyes open. And finally, after Gwen and Arthur both sent one more concerned glance in Merlin's direction, they were gone.

Gaius watched them leave, a bemused expression marring his features. Smiling softly down at Merlin he whispered, "See that my boy? They do care about you, even if you won't believe it yourself..."  
  


**~oO0**0Oo~**

Arthur stood, staring out the window, knuckles white as he gripped the window sill. His eyes gazed, unseeing, at the millions of shining lights speckling the dark night sky. He looked past the bright, luminous orb that hung above the trees, gaze glancing off the slow moving clouds. Not even noticing, the breathtaking view of the city, the stone buildings scattered with flickering amber lights.

For Arthur Pendragon's thoughts were a million miles away. Or, more specifically, they a few corridors away, resting on the wellbeing of a certain manservant, whom he would never admit to caring for. And all the while hoping,  _praying_ that he would be alright.

He started slightly as he felt a hand rest on his shoulder and turned to see his wife eyeing him with concern.

"Arthur, are you alright?" she asked, before closing her eyes and shaking her head, "Sorry, stupid question."

He smiled sadly at her, "I just… I just hope that he's okay."

She returned the smile and stepped into his warm embrace, running her hands up and down his back. "Me too Arthur, me too."

"It's just that," he mumbled, "I never- I never told him that I… that I…" he trailed off, choking back a sob as he tried to hide his tears. But opened his eyes as he felt gentle hands brush the tears away.

"You may not have said it Arthur," she breathed, resting a hand on his chest, "but he knew. He always knew. Now come to bed, face any trials that the Gods give us in the morning, but for now, just rest…"

The King nodded tiredly in agreement and followed the woman he loved to bed, where he fell into a deep and troubled sleep.  
  


**~oO0**0Oo~  
**

Whilst a thousand miles away, atop a great mountain, a dragon's pain-filled roar pierced the night air...

_"Merlin!"_


	7. Open your eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yes sire," Percival cut through their musings, a smile creeping over his face, "Merlin's waking up."

At the dawn of the Old Religion, when creatures of magic were only beginning to be born and the ways of the priests and priestesses were still being learnt; it came apparent that, as the creatures grew stronger and more dangerous, humans would need a way of protecting themselves. So the world's most powerful combined their knowledge, their resources, their thoughts and eventually found a solution.

Summoning magic, both pure and dark, they set to work. They wrote spells, forged weapons, brewed potions; they found a way to combat every beast, every  _foe_  that crossed their path… all but one. For, they could not defeat the most ancient, the most powerful and the most dangerous creature of them all, the  _dragon_.

Their extensive knowledge was far greater than their own, as was the beast's power; their magic was far stronger, their wisdom far greater. And no matter what they tried, no matter how many spells, weapons and traps they created,  _nothing_  seemed capable of penetrating their armour. And thus, the humans came to the conclusion that, the creatures were  _untouchable_.

So eventually, after many years of failed attempts, they decided to hold a meeting with the oldest of the dragons and they struck a deal. Seven of the kindest, bravest and most powerful men were chosen, hand-picked by the creatures themselves. Together, the dragons reached out to the men, intertwining their magic with that of the humans.

A link was formed and the seven warlocks were eternally bonded with dragon kind; they were able to speak in dragon tongue, able to talk to them within their minds. And most of all, they were able to control them.

They were capable of making a dragon bow to them at will, they could command them to follow orders and they were able to strike them down. But the men chosen for the task were of gentle nature and were far too honourable to ever exercise their element of control over the creatures, unless necessary. And when these men passed on, their legacy was passed on to their eldest son, continuing, generation after generation. Thus, the Dragon Lord was born.

The bond between a Dragon and its Lord is something stronger than most could even begin to comprehend. Something stronger than Merlin would probably ever understand. Each emotion, each feeling, each heart-break, each wound; all felt by the other. All pain, all happiness,  _shared._

So when Kilgharrah was awoken by a searing pain, pulsing through his mind and forcing him to collapse in pain he knew immediately what was wrong.

Something had happened to Merlin…  
  


**~oO0**0Oo~**

Several days later and miles away, in the grounds surrounding Camelot's castle, the knights were training. Swords clashing as the armoured men fought their way across the training grounds. Currently, a certain blond King was sparring with Sir Gwaine and he wasn't holding back.

_Clang Clang Clang_

Arthur growled in frustration as he narrowly dodged a strike from is opponent, causing him to stumble backwards. He halted his actions for a moment, before lunging forward with a swipe of his blade, watching as it shone silver in the sunlight, before coming down and connecting with a shield.

They continued like this for hours,  _strike_ ,  _dodge_ ,  _parry_ ,  _block, lunge_ ; each blow stronger and fiercer than the last. Together, they vented all their frustration, mixed emotions of anger and guilt, clear and sharp in every movement as they danced across the earth in a ballad of though, after what seemed to be a life-time, the fight came to an end. Arthur swung his sword in a wide arc, anger finally fading as it collided with a weak spot in Gwaine's armour and he fell to the ground, Excalibur hovering over his chest.

"Do you yield?" Arthur asked, panting as he tried to catch his breath.

Gwaine let his head fall back and covered his eyes with his hands, "Do I have a choice?"

Arthur's lips twitched slightly and he shook his head, "Nah, I just wanted to be honourable."

"No, you wanted a chance to mock me."

"Why Sir Gwaine," Arthur responded, eyes wide with fake hurt, "how could you ever think such a thing of me?" The knight grinned in response, reaching up and taking Arthur's offered hand as he clambered to his feet.

"That was quite some fight," Arthur noted, gesturing to the area around them in order to emphasise his point.

"Yeah," Gwaine muttered, running a hand through his hair, breathing heavily, "but I guess we both needed it."

The young King nodded, a soft smile stretching across his face, "Yeah…" he breathed, "yeah I guess we did."

They staying silent for a moment, still breathing heavily, their faces glistening with sweat and their armor flecked with mud and dust. Arthur lifted his head, his gaze settling on and area past Gwaine's shoulder and he frowned, before sheathing his sword.

"It's sunset," he said, pointing to the horizon in answer to his friend's inquiring look, "we've been out here for hours."

Gwaine turned around, squinting at the sky that had blossomed with different shades of pink, purple and red. The clouds dusted with gold as the sun lowered itself behind the trees. His eyes widened and he turned to Arthur with a baffled expression, "Really?" he asked, "We were out here  _that long_?"

He nodded, shrugging slightly in response, "It appears so."

Gwaine waited a moment, before stretching his face into a broad grin, "Well I suppose we should be getting back then ey Princess?"

Arthur shook his head in fond amusement, "I swear to the Gods Gwaine, if you call me that  _one more time_ -"

"Hey!" a voice called, effectively cutting off the two turned to see Elyan and Percival running across the field, appearing out of breath as they came closer.

"Hey," Elyan repeated, the two having finally arriving in front of them.

"Hey," Gwaine grinned in bemusement, "what, did you two run all the way here?"

They narrowed their eyes at him, expressions morphing into scowls, "Yes, as a matter a fact we  _did_ ," Percival returned, glaring at his fellow knight.

Arthur rolled his eyes as the three, exasperated, "So, what was it that was so important that you had to run all the way here?"

"Gwen sent us," Elyan responded, "said that we had to get you as quickly as possible. She said that it was urgent."

"Why?" The blond man asked, his exasperation melting into concern, "What's so urgent that we have to be back up at the castle, right now?"

Arthur and Gwaine exchanged glances, the same thought seemingly appearing in their minds.  _But no_ , Arthur thought, unwilling to get his hopes up,  _it's been three days, he couldn't have…_

The two messengers took in their expressions and smiled slightly, having a pretty good idea of what they were thinking.

"Yes sire," Percival cut through their musings, a smile creeping over his face, "Merlin's waking up."  
  


**~oO0**0Oo~**

The group rushed through castle corridors, hurriedly making their way to the Physician's chambers.

"You're sure?" the young King asked for the third time, as the plundered their way up another flight of stairs.

"Yes sire, we're sure," Percival called.

Several moments later, they barged their way into Gaius's chambers and rushed over to the bed. Gwen already sat there, sponging Merlin with a damp cloth as the servant whimpered, squirming pitifully as is face scrunched up in obvious pain. Meanwhile, Leon stood awkwardly in the corner, concerned eyes locked on the boy on the bed.

"How long has he been like this?" Arthur muttered, directing the question at his wife as he sat down on the opposite side of the bed. His knights then taking similar positions around him, watching their friend with, what was clearly, worry.

"About an hour or so," Gwen muttered, not taking her eyes off of her friend.

"Not for much longer," Gaius intervened, shuffling into the room, handing a vial to Gwen. "Please feed him this, my Lady, it should reduce his fever."

The dark woman nodded, grasping the vial and lifting it to Merlin's lips, running her finger down the length of his throat, forcing him to swallow. Gaius then took the vial from her, receiving a murmured 'thankyou' from the Queen, as she went back to watching over her husband's servant.

Suddenly, the doorknob turned with a  _click_  and swung open to reveal an anxious figure on the other side.

"I came as soon as I heard," Mordred murmured, shutting the door behind him, "has he woken up yet?"

The room's occupants simultaneously shook their heads and Arthur motioned him to sit next to him. The boy looked reluctant, but went to sit by the King, albeit awkwardly, and joined in on the wait; watching as the boy whimpered and squirmed slightly.

"He's in so much pain," Gwen muttered, smoothing his matted hair, "what's going on in that head of yours Merlin?"  
  


  
**~oO0**0Oo~** __****

****  


_Images flashed, bursts of colours blinding him in a haze of light. He could see a battle, raging in the darkness, lit by the flames of torches and darkened by the darkness of the night. He spun, eyes having a difficult time adjusting to the harsh light, groping blindly for the loose ties of reality, for the roots that grounded him._

_Suddenly, Merlin stumbled, losing his footing as his world blurred and the images slowed down. He blinked, recognising two figures standing above the rest, alone and isolated, waiting for the right moment to enter the fray._

_His breath caught in his throat, seeing them tall and dressed in hauntingly black robes, the dark colour accentuating the paleness of their skin, so they appeared ghostly, unnatural, not human. They stood regal and dangerous in the night, smug smirks set firmly on their faces as they observed the horrific scene bellow. He shivered._

_Then the landscape changed again, snapping in on itself, fading, clearing and reforming as something else. He watched in horror as numerous scenes flashed before his eyes, in quick succession, each more heartbreaking then the last._

_There was Mordred, screaming in heartbreak as a young girl was hung in the courtyard. Then there was the same boy, forcing him against a wall in anger, his eyes inflamed with betrayal. Merlin wondered why it would be him to feel betrayed._

_Then there was himself, trapped and crying in frustration and grief, scrambling to find his way out of the dark cave._

_He saw his father, ghostly and with eyes alight with wisdom and love, as he looked down upon his son. He saw himself as an old man, powerful and determined, marching out of the cave as he rushed to his Kings aid._

_But then Merlin cried out, as if in physical pain as he watched the ones he loved fighting for their life. As he watched two of his closest friends fall. And he watched, as his world fell apart._

_"You can stop it you know."_

_Merlin's head snapped up, a gasp escaping his mouth as his eyes widened in shock, "Freya."_

_The young woman smiled softly, reaching out as if to brush a hand across his cheek. The battlefield melted away, falling into a dark abyss, so there was only them._

_"You must trust the druid boy Merlin," she told him, voice barely above a whisper, "it may be your only hope."_

_His heart seized and he could feel the thousands of pitiful protests rising to spill from his lips. But Avalon's guardian merely held her hand up to silence him, smiling at him in understanding._

_"He's not a bad person Merlin, being distrustful of him is only going to lead him to the path of darkness."_

_"Wait," he breathed, understanding dawning on him, "are you saying that_ I  _caused that?"_

_Freya sighed, "No, but your actions towards Mordred did play a key part in his betrayal."_

_"So… what do I do?"_

_"That is up to you. But please Merlin," she implored, "do not take advice from Kilgharrah, not if you want Arthur to live. The dragon means well but he has never meant for the King to survive."_

_She paused, cringing slightly as she watched the hurt and betrayal washing over Merlin's features._

_"As I said Merlin," she whispered, "he means well, but does not have faith that Arthur will live. You have to trust Mordred, no matter what your instincts say, it will help in the long run." She crouched down in front of him, "But Merlin be warned, the Gods have decided Arthur's fate and once that is done it cannot be changed. It is most likely that all of this will only stall your King's death."_

_He nodded dumbly, trying in vain to process all that he had been told then glancing up as Freya started to speak again, "You can worry about this later but for now, your friends are very worried about you Merlin; it is time you went back to them." And with that, she began to fade, melting into the surrounding expanse of black._

_He jolted and suddenly, his world erupted, bursting with brilliant, white light._   
  


**~oO0**0Oo~**

"What's happening?" Gwen cried as Merlin started to thrash, the knights leaping forward to hold him down.

Gaius frowned, "I'm not quite sure, my Lady."

"Do you think he's-"

But Arthur's question died in his throat as a loud gasp was heard, causing his attention to immediately snap to the boy on the bed. They waited with baited breath and after what seemed like hours but was really only seconds, Merlin's eyes snapped open.


	8. Echoing Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He smiled, "Arthur."
> 
> The other man grinned and leapt forward to wrap his arms around him, taking care to be gentle, "You're awake," he mumbled, "You're finally awake."

"Arthur?" Merlin mumbled, blinking tiredly as his eyes slowly adjusted to the light of the room.

"I'm here Merlin," a faint voice whispered, "...right here."

He sighed, clenching his eyes shut as his face crunched up in confusion, his thoughts and memories too jumbled to make sense of.  _'What had happened?'_

Thoughts and feelings whirled around his mind, blurring and fading, passing too quickly for him to see. Merlin scrambled, trying in vain to grasp the strands of his faint memories, desperation clouding his senses and fear overwhelming him.

Suddenly, he heard a voice, a kind one, a soft one, echoing through the haze, a whisper breaking through his barriers and bringing him back to reality.

"...Come on Merlin, open your eyes…"

The voice, he  _knew_ that voice. It was the voice he listened to every day; the one had listened to for the past decade, whether it be barking orders, making prattish remarks or snide comments as they bantered. He knew that voice; he knew it better than his own. And then, as if something had suddenly clicked within him, everything came rushing back. And he remembered…

He remembered the caves, he remembered Aithusa, Mordred, Morgana, he remembered  _Arthur_. He gasped, snapping his hand back from the welcoming darkness and opening his eyes to the light.

"Arthur!" He yelled out, sitting up in panic, eyes searching the room in a frenzy as he looked in desperation for his friend. Merlin's breathing had been reduced to short, shudering gasps, hyperventilating as worry for his king overwhelmed him.

"I'm here Merlin," a hand rested on his shoulder, halting his movements, "you have to calm down you idiot, Merlin  _look at me_."

He clenched his eyes shut; breathing in deeply and then he opened them again, turning to look at the speaker. The blond hair caught his eyes first, and then the bright blue eyes that he knew so well, of which concern shone within.

He smiled, "Arthur."

The other man grinned and leapt forward to wrap his arms around him, taking care to be gentle, "You're awake," he mumbled, "You're finally awake."

Merlin frowned in confusion, ' _W_ _hat?'_

"Ahem," someone behind them cleared their throat and they turned to see Gwaine looking at them with raised eyebrows, a small smirk playing on his lips; although, you didn't have to look hard to see the emotion behind his playful expression. "Can't the rest of us have a hug to?"

Arthur smiled weakly, though something in his eyes showed reluctance to let go of his servant. Merlin was confused, ' _What had actually happened?'_

Deciding to voice his thoughts, he pulled out of Arthur's embrace and looked around the room with a frown on his face.

"I'm sorry guys," he said, drawing everyone's attention to him, "but… I'm really,  _really_ confused. The last thing I remember was…" he jolted, "was waking up, down in the caves and you… y-you were all gone."

The knights looked crestfallen, exchanging looks of sadness and guilt, while attempting to ignore the glares that the King, Queen and Physician were shooting them.

Merlin's face fell as his beliefs were confirmed, "You left me behind…"

The sad thing was that, he wasn't surprised. Hurt? Yes, shocked? ...no

His friendship with the rest of the group had been dwindling lately; the gap between them steadily growing larger as the years went by. Larger as priorities changed and life became too busy to spend time with him, too busy to care.

He knew that they cared about him (or at least he  _hoped_ they did), but sometimes he just felt so unappreciated. Sometimes he just felt so alone.

And as the rift grew larger, as the tear became harder and harder to mend, he tried and tried to convince himself that they would still find time for him; that they would still treat him like their little brother, Merlin the idiot. Just like, they always had. But as time grew on, it grew more and more difficult to make himself believe that.

Gwaine looked near tears, "Merlin please, please believe me when I say that we didn't-"

"-mean to." Merlin finished, cutting him off with a tired wave of his hand, ducking his head and clenching his eyes shut to prevent tears, "It's alright Gwaine, it's-it's alright."

He sighed, "Now, can someone please explain to me how I got here?"

Arthur shot a glower at the knights, but sat back down with a sigh, "Well to start off with, it's  _their_ fault…"  
  


**~oO0**0Oo~  
**

It had taken a good hour to explain everything, talking about from the time when Arthur awoke in the forest to the three days Merlin spent lying unconscious in bed. It may have taken a shorter length of time, but with the numerous interruptions, outbursts and arguments that broke out, by the time they were done, night had fallen and the group were starting to tire.

And Merlin sat there, absorbing the information in silence, relief blooming in his chest when he found that at least Arthur had thought of him bringing a slight smile to his face, though it was weak from feelings of sadness and betrayal. Suddenly he opened his mouth and let out a large yawn.

"Alright," Gaius shuffled over, "that's quite enough now, Merlin needs his rest."

Merlin's eyes widened, "But Gaius I-"

"Have been asleep for several days," the old man cut in, "yes you have, however, in that time you were in something called a comatose state. You're body used that time to heal; thus why you're so tired, you haven't really gotten any rest at all."

He sighed, sitting back as he knew it would be feeble to protest. Gwaine stepped forward an enveloped him in a gentle but firm embrace.

"We better go, but we'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

Merlin nodded into the knight's shoulder and exchanged goodbyes with the group, all of whom looked reluctant to leave. But just as they were leaving, Merlin caught sight of one last person exiting through the door.

"Mordred!" he called, gaining the other's attention, "You don't have to worry, I forgive you."

The boy's mouth dropped open in shock and his face held thinly disguised relief.  _Thankyou_  he mouthed, nodding at both the physician and his ward, before the door finally clicked shut.

Merlin turned to Gaius, "So, I guess I'll just go up to my room then?"

Gaius frowned, "You don't want to eat first?"

"I don't really feel like eating…" he sighed.

Gaius nodded in understanding before reaching behind him and grabbing a vial, checking the lable and handing it to Merlin.

"Drink this first," he ordered, "It should help with your headache and help you sleep."

Merlin nodded in thanks and headed up the stairs, placing the vial on his bedside before slumping on his bed. He sighed, letting his gaze drift to the window; he stared out at the thousands of tiny stars. His lower lip trembled and the damn gates finally burst.

Tears tumbled down his cheeks and he grabbed his pillow to muffle the choked sobs that fell from his lips. He curled up into a ball and shook, shaking his head and wondering, wondering why this had happened to  _him_.

Had he done something wrong? Had he done something to deserve all this? All he wanted to do was protect the people he cared about, but for some reason, it was always him who ended up being hurt the most.

_Merlin!_

He could hear the cries of Kilgharrah echoing in the distance calling him, probably to check if he was okay but Merlin ignored him. Instead he crawled under the covers and curled up under the warm blanket, trying his best to shut out the voice.

He could protect Arthur, the Kingdom and he could talk to the dragon, t _omorrow_.

But for now, all Merlin could do, was cry.


	9. Comforting words, soothing souls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin thought over all of the times that he'd been injured and truthfully, the fact was that every time it had happened within the King's vicinity, they had been separated, or Merlin had been healed before anything major could happen. Merlin had never really stopped to think about that before.
> 
> Beside him, Gwen cleared her throat, wiping her eyes and turned to him again.
> 
> "Whatever it was Merlin," she continued, "w-whatever it was… you almost dying? It almost broke him."

Merlin woke to a dull throbbing in his head. Emitting a soft moan of discomfort, his eyes fluttered open and he forced himself to sit up, blinking tiredly as he did. His hand reached up to rub sleep out of tired eyes and Merlin started when he came into contact with his cheek, which was damp with still drying tears.

His lower lip trembled slightly and he bit it, "Don't cry Merlin, don't cry," he mumbled, absentmindedly wiping away a few stray tears. Glancing out the window he noted that the sun was only just beginning to rise, ' _Odd_ ,' he thought, _'I don't usually wake up this early.'_

So, shaking his head in slight bewilderment, Merlin heaved himself out of bed, whimpering slightly at the loss of the warm covers as his feet touched the cold stone floor. Standing shakily, he wobbled his way over to the door, legs weak from days of disuse.

Downstairs Gaius was already awake, shuffling around the room and gathering supplies to put in his medicine bag, clearly getting ready to go on his daily rounds. He seemed happy, Merlin couldn't help but notice with a soft smile; he supposed that it must have been due to relief from all of the stress that must have piled on over the past few days. Merlin couldn't escape the feeling of guilt that wormed in his gut.

Finally, Gaius's gaze settled on him and his eyes narrowed with disapproval. Merlin resisted the urge to take a step back.

"And just what do you think you're doing out of bed Merlin?" Gaius fixed him with a glare.

Merlin bit his lip, "Well first off Gaius, I'm not made of glass-"

"Could've fooled me with the amount of times you've almost gotten yourself killed."

"-so I don't see what the big deal is," he continued as if the physician hadn't spoken, "and also," here Merlin paused, ducking his head and mumbling, "my head hurts. It woke me up."

Gaius's expression softened into one of concern, "Well you silly boy why didn't you say something before?"

Merlin opened his mouth to retort but it shut with a click as Gaius reached over and snatched up a vile, placing it in his ward's hand, "That should help. Now drink it and go back to bed, you need your rest Merlin."

The warlock downed the potion with a grimace before handing it back to his mentor with a quiet thanks, once again worrying his lip, "But Gaius, I'd really like to-"

"Not buts Merlin, go back to sleep."

He pressed his fingers to his temple and emitted a groan of frustration, "Gaius I've had enough sleep to last a lifetime! Right now, what I really need is some fresh air. Please."

He pleaded with the elderly man, eyes wide and imploring. It took a few moments but Merlin could still pinpoint the very moment his mentor's will crumbled.

"Alright Merlin you can go out on the condition that you eat your meals on time starting with breakfast, you don't under any circumstance leave the city and you promise me that you will be back by sundown." Gaius raised an eyebrow and looked at Merlin pointedly, "Is that understood?"

Merlin grinned and leapt forward to hug him, "Thankyou Gaius! Thankyou!"

Gaius let free an amused smile and patted his ward on the back before pulling away, "Now, let me put together some breakfast and once you've eaten that, you're free to leave."

Merlin nodded, a small smile playing on his lips.

About half an hour later, the sun had finally risen above the treetops, its rays casting light over the city as the town bustled into life. Merlin's first step outside of the Physician's Chambers was unsteady and he had to grasp the wall for support, but after a little while he managed to assume a decent pace and he no longer felt that he was in danger of falling. Well, no more than he usually was…

"Merlin!"

He spun around to see Gwen staring at him, eyes wide and eyebrows raised as she noticed him standing atop the stair leading to the courtyard.

Merlin bit his lip, a habit that was really starting to get on his nerves, "Yes milady?"

Gwen pursed her lips, cocking her head and nailing him with a look clearly indicating that she was unimpressed, "And just what are you doing out of bed?" she inquired, stepping closer, "It's barely past dawn Merlin! We were up late last night, you should be resting! You shouldn't be out of bed at all, never mind at this hour in the morning!"

Her voice had been getting louder as she spoke, raising until she was almost shouting, they were beginning to attract attention from people passing by.

"Um Gwen," he discreetly nodded to the onlookers.

She rolled her eyes, "They'll stare no matter what we're doing Merlin, now answer the question," though even as she said it, she'd lowered her voice and adopted a slightly sheepish expression.

Merlin sighed, "I've been in bed for days Gwen, I really just wanted some fresh air," he raised a hand to silence her when she opened her mouth to protest, "Gaius gave the okay. I just have to eat and drink regularly and be back by sunset."

Merlin could see her considering this, before relenting with a sigh, "Alright then but as long as you're up, why don't you come down with me to the training field. Arthur's down there already with the knights."

Merlin blinked, "At this hour?"

"Yep."

"Why?"

Gwen grinned mischievously, reaching out and taking his hand, "Come on, I'll show you…"

Heading down, the first thing that Merlin noticed was a sound that Merlin was all too familiar with, Arthur barking orders.

"I said ten! That's four more!"

They stopped at the edge of the field and sat down to watch. Merlin frowned, bewildered as he took in the sight of Arthur shouting commands at Elyan, Gwaine, Percival and Leon to run laps around the area.

A part of him stuttered at the sight of them, his heart constricting painfully. He took a deep breath, he promised himself that he wouldn't cry anymore, he refused to be that selfish. 'It wasn't their fault,' he thought but even as he did, something inside him told him that that was complete and utter crap.

But still, looking out at the knights he couldn't ignore the concern edging its way in his chest.

He turned to Gwen, "What _is_ Arthur doing?"

The Queen smirked, her expression all too smug for Merlin's comfort, "Just dishing out some punishment."

But this only confused Merlin more, "For what? What did they do?"

She started, turning to Merlin with one eyebrow raised, "What do you think?"

"Hmm?" he paused to think, biting his lip, before it finally dawned on him, "You can't be serious."

Gwen shrugged.

Back on the field the knights had finally finished their laps, coming to a stop a few yards away from the two observers. The whole group hunched over, sweating and panting from exhaustion.

Gwaine straightened, wiping his eyes and muttering, "God he's trying to kill us."

Percival nodded in agreement, "I think that may be the idea."

Arthur then chose to make his way over, his eyes showing no compassion as he stared down at the panting group, "Now," he pointed at the ground, "drop down and give me fifty push-ups."

Gwaine groaned, looking very much like he'd prefer to pass out instead.

"After you have done that, you may have a drink of water and then we will begin training," he finished, trying and epically failing at hiding the smirk of satisfaction that was creeping its way over his face.

The knights looked reluctant to follow the order, but complied while heaving a sigh of resignation as the got down to obey their king.

Meanwhile, Merlin sat, mouth open in horror as he watched the scene unfold.

"Isn't this a tad over the top?"

Gwen pulled a face, somehow managing to look both like she was enjoying and hating it at the same time. "Just let him do it Merlin. Though he'd likely never admit it to your face, he was a right mess over what happened to you."

He raised an eyebrow in scepticism, looking over at Arthur with worry, "Are you sure about that? I mean really Gwen-"

"Ugh!" she groaned in frustration, "Of course I am Merlin, really! Arthur may not be the best at showing emotion but when it counts, he cares. Did you know that it took more than a day to drag him away from your bedside? And he would only EVER leave if it was urgent?"

Merlin gaped at her, wide eyed as she ranted. Had Arthur really done that? Fortunately for him, Gwen continued before he could overthink it too much.

"And besides that," she continued, oblivious to his internal battle, "today, yesterday and the day before, he has had all of the knights out here, doing this."

Merlin bit back any disapproving comments he had about that.

"He was _so worried_ Merlin," she whispered, her eyes shining with repressed tears, "granted we all were, but him… This may not be the first time he's almost lost you Merlin but something about this particular time set him off."

She paused here, taking his hand before continuing, "It may have been the fact that it was his own knights, our friends that caused this. Or it may have been that this is the first time that he has been forced to sit around and watch as you teetered between the realms of life and death." Her gaze drifted out towards her husband, "Because Merlin, regardless of whether or not this situation has come about before, _which it has_ , this is the first time that he's truly been there to witness it."

A tear slipped out now and Merlin scooted over to wrap an arm around the Queen as she shook, whispering soothing words in an effort to comfort her.

' _It really was wasn't it_ …' Merlin thought over all of the times that he'd been injured and truthfully, the fact was that every time it had happened within the King's vicinity, they had been separated, or Merlin had been healed before anything major could happen. Merlin had never really stopped to think about that before.

Beside him, Gwen cleared her throat, wiping her eyes and turned to him again.

"Whatever it was Merlin," she continued, "w-whatever it was… you almost dying? It almost broke him."

Merlin swallowed thickly and pulled the trembling woman back into his arms, "It'll be okay Gwen, I promise it will. And look," he smiled cheekily, gesturing out to the field, "the prat's still here isn't he? He'll be alright Gwen. We _all_ will."

He trailed off with a whisper, gently brushing a stray tear from her cheek.

She nodded, giving him a watery smile, "Thank you Merlin, you truly are the kindest and strongest man I have ever met."

She sounded a tad awed when she said this and Merlin had to fight blushing and was saved as the sound of footsteps on grass interrupted his train of thought and he looked up to see the knights moving toward them to get a drink of water. They all looked a bit startled at seeing them there and if Merlin were to admit it, weary.

Looking past them though, Merlin could see Arthur standing alone in the middle of the field.

"Sorry Milady," he said, standing up slowly for fear of collapsing if he moved to fast, "I think I need to have a quick chat with your husband."

She looked up with raised eyebrows but nodded, lips curving into a small smile.

And with that, Merlin made his way over to the lone King, passing the knights with a quiet good morning as he walked across the field.

The world seemed to slow, passing in a dull blur, the people and sound blotted out so there was only the two of them, standing there, alone, together.

"Merlin what are you doing out of bed?" Arthur asked, clearly trying to appear stern but only achieving at sounding utterly exhausted.

"Well clotpole I was under the impression I was seeing you."

The other man scowled, "That isn't funny Mer-"

"And neither is this!" he cut across, gesturing madly to the area around them, "What are you _thinking_ Arthur?"

Before his eyes, his King seemed to crumble, the façade of arrogance and superiority vanishing from his face, leaving behind someone much more vulnerable, much more scared.

"Merlin," his voice was barely above a whisper, "Merlin I'm so sorry-"

And suddenly the warlock didn't care anymore and cut off his friend's apology as he stepped forward in one swift movement and wrapped his arms around the other man. Merlin ignored the pitiful protests coming from his King, shaking his head and gripping him tighter. And in that moment, all they could really do, was hold each other…

_It's okay Arthur… it's okay… I'm alive... We're going to be okay…_


	10. Revelations and Understandings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a moment Merlin wondered how he had even made as far as he had without collapsing.
> 
> "Merlin you idiot," he sighed in fond exasperation, voice tinged with the slightest bit of annoyance, "you should have told me you were feeling like this or I would have taken you back to Gaius."
> 
> The warlock groaned in discomfort as a response.

_I've watched from the shadows, the darkness comforts me._

_I've guarded you and protected you, but I am what you never see._

_A wizard, a sorcerer and a warlock, of which I am all three._

_You forget me, tease me but my hurt goes unsaid._

_You say I am your brother, not a servant but a friend._

_Acting like you love me as your brother in arms, my loyalty is your theft._

_But you see, if you loved me, you wouldn't ever have left…_

_*_

They had stayed like that, wrapped in the warm embrace of each other. Friend, protector, confident, brother. Silence enveloped them; the welcoming hug of an old friend, only broken with the occasional word of comfort or exchanged insult.

_I'm sorry._

_It's okay Arthur, we're okay…_

_You're a real **prat** , you know that?_

_You're such a **girl**  Merlin._

_Forgive me, please, I'm so sorry ..._

_Why? It's not your fault._

And they found solace in each other, echoes of a happier time – when everything was so simple, black and white, clean-cut – lingered in the back of their minds. A longing for things to be as they once were was strong and stark in their movements, tainted with the sadness of the knowledge of what they had become.

Eventually they drew back, Arthur insisting it was improper of him to be presented this way before his subjects.

(I'm the  _King_ Merlin, you can't possibly expect me to be seen like this!)

The comment fell flat and sounded strained even to Arthur's own ears. Because for the first time in years, Merlin had managed to draw out of him what no other could. His true self.

The younger man lay him bare, façade wrenched from him in one painful motion. And he unveiled him for the world to see.

He was vulnerable and now was the instance where he would usually close up, push others away again. But in that moment – for reasons that he had yet to understand – as he stood there with his friend, he found, he simply didn't care.

They had then stumbled back to Arthur's chambers, unknowingly passing a smiling Gwen and confused but relieved knights. Relieved that their King was finally letting his frustration out in a way that didn't drive them to the peak of exhaustion.

"Well," Gwaine clapped his hands with grin, "I suppose that means we get the rest of the morning off! I mean, the Gods know they won't be back for a while-"

"Actually," and Gwen would later refuse to admit that she smirked as she said this, "since my husband will likely be otherwise occupied for the remainder of this morning, I do believe that leaves me in charge. (Here Elyan spluttered in outrage, "I'm not taking orders from my little sister!") Which means, as your Queen," she looked pointedly at her brother, "I have the authority to lead the rest of your training session."

The group exchanged wary glances, fully aware that the woman would be just as, if not more, terrifying in her fury as her husband had revealed himself to be.

Leon shuffled nervously, "My Lady, are you sure you are qualified to-"

"I am the daughter of a Blacksmith, Sir Leon and believe it or not I have spent many mornings throughout my life watching the Knights of Camelot train both as Lady Morgana's maid and as the Queen. There were times when I even helped Morgana with her own training." She narrowed her eyes, daring him to challenge her, "I  _do_  believe that I am in fact,  _fully_ qualified."

"But-"

"Elyan, drop down and give me twenty."  
  


**~oO0**0Oo~**   
  


Neither had spoken.

As soon as they had entered the room, Merlin shutting the door behind them, Arthur had slumped at the edge of his bed, head in hands. His shoulders were sagged in his defeat, his eyes clouded in his grief.

Unsure if his presence would be entirely welcome, Merlin had drawn a chair at the dining table, suddenly very aware of his fatigue, not to mention his state of health. A shudder ran through the warlock as his head throbbed and his vision blurred in and out of focus. A shaking breath passed his lips and he pressed his hands to his face, eyes clenched as he suffered. Pain pounded in his head like the beating of a drum.

"Merlin?"

A cautious but firm hand on his shoulder jolted him back to awareness and his gaze lifted to meet that of his friend. Arthur had obviously noticed his distress and made his way over the servant, whom he was now staring at with thinly veiled concern shining in his eyes. But not without a hint of anger and frustration in his expression.

"Merlin what are you even doing out of bed?" his voice was harsh and raspy from crying and his words cut into Merlin like shards of broken glass.

Massaging his temple in an attempt to rid himself of the ache, the younger man answered in a strained whisper, "I needed to get out Arthur. I needed to."

And he had, the yearning for the feel of the sun on his skin and the sight and sounds of bustling citizens in the towns had been so overwhelming he felt he couldn't breathe. Just the  _need_  to see daylight after so many days in the dark was stifling in a way he had never previously imagined.

Another wave of pain swept through him and he stiffened. For a moment Merlin wondered how he had even made as far as he had without collapsing.

"Merlin you  _idiot_ ," he sighed in fond exasperation, voice tinged with the slightest bit of annoyance, "you should have told me you were feeling like this or I would have taken you back to Gaius."

The warlock groaned in discomfort as a response.

"Merlin!" Arthur very nearly growled, clasping his hands on the other's shoulders in a tight grip and Merlin's eyes snapped open, unaware they had closed in the first place.

"Merlin you're sick," he murmured, looking at him imploringly, "it's a miracle you even survived what you went through okay? What you need is rest. I'll take you back to Gaius's chambers."

Immediately, protests rose and simmered to the surface, threatening to burst forth like the bubbles of a hot spring.

"But Arthur, we have to talk about this."

"We'll talk about it when you're in bed Merlin," and to make that comment seem more masculine, he added, "it would look bad if I were forced to carry my manservant back to Gaius unconscious."

"Why?" the warlock frowned, "Not like you haven't done it before-"

" _Mer_ lin."

When Arthur appeared in the doorway of the Physician's Chambers half dragging-half carrying a collapsing Merlin, Gaius showed barely a hint of surprise. He merely rose and eyebrow at both of them as a way of saying  _'I told you so'_ before politely informing them that he had errands to run, leaving with an air of slight disapproval as his gaze passed over his shaking ward.

They stumbled up to Merlin's room and the thin man curled up under the blanket, motioning for the other to sit next to the bed.

"What are you doing Arthur?"

And for a moment they just looked at each other, seemingly overwhelmed by the situation at hand. Unsure and unknowing of what would be revealed in the coming conversation. They were hesitant, cautious, scared.

"They," he mumbled finally, gestured helplessly, "-they left you for dead Merlin. You can't expect me to  _forget_  that."

"But I can ask you to  _forgive_."

Arthur looked at him for a long moment, before slowly shaking his head with a sigh, "No, no you can't."

Merlin frowned in concern and tried to sit up before deciding otherwise when the world flew out of focus and he almost keeled sideways. Slumping back down onto the mattress gave Arthur a look that could only be described as incredulous.

"Why," he paused as a hacking cough racked his frame. "Why do you care so much Arthur?"

The peasant blinked in wonderment, unable to fathom the thought that this was actually affecting his friend to such an extent.

"I mean, really," he murmured softly, "it's easy to forget me Arthur and while I'm not going to try to persuade you into thinking that I'm o-okay with w-what happened," he dropped his gaze as Arthur's expression softened into concern, "I'm also not going to act like I don't understand."

"You  _are_ top priority Arthur! You're the King and the Gods know this Kingdom would fall to ruin without you." he said forcefully, "You were injured, for all they knew you could have been dying and for that reason I have absolutely no reason to be upset with them. They were only doing what's right!"

"That doesn't excuse what they did," Arthur hissed.

"But it does," he responded with a harsh whisper, "It does because you're the  _King_ Arthur, and no matter what, I will always be just a servant-"

"Don't!" the blond man growled, "I know I've teased you Merlin. I know I've made you feel insignificant, worthless, a simple-minded peasant. But you never  _were just_  a servant."

Arthur looked down, avoiding the eyes of the other.

"For years – gods for  _ten_ years – I have made you believe I didn't care." Merlin shook his head but Arthur, too lost in his confession, didn't see it, "I did it because I was afraid. I was afraid of how much I came to depend on you, how much I relied on having you by my side. For ten years I made myself think you were a fool but-but I know now…"

He lifted his head, his eyes shone with unshed tears, "You will always be a greater man than me because you are the reason that I have come to be what I am today. It was youMerlin. It was  _you_ who made me change my ways, who made me see the world for what it was, not as what my father had raised me to see. You, a boy raised in a village, a man with no experience in battle, have stayed by my side even when we stood no chance of surviving. Gods, even when we couldn't  _stand each other_ , you s _till_ did so much for me."

Merlin's face was pinched in a small frown; confusion and denial swimming in his eyes as he heard words leave Arthur's mouth that he hadn't dared to hope ever would.

Arthur gnawed at his lip and averted his gaze once more.

' _I'll ease up on the Knights Merlin, I'll try … but don't expect too much from me. Please._

"I'm only trying to say that," the blond man continued, "you are my friend Merlin and regardless of how much of an idiot you are, I would give my life for yours in an  _instant!_ From the first day I met you, a bumbling fool who thought himself able to push me off my pedestal, I knew you were different." He breathed, lost in the memory that filled him with so much confusion and yet made him content, "I remember thinking to myself,  _This boy – this big-eared, wide-eyed peasant – isn't going to leave me alone now, is he?_  I remember how much fun it was to finally have someone stand up to me, how right it felt."

His brow furrowed and Merlin could see discomfort settling on his shoulders a he relay his feelings like this. Part of him wondered if now would be the time to tell Arthur, let him know the truth of what he was; what he had done. But he held his tongue, there would be time for that conversation later. A flash of fear swept through him at the thought of his friend's reaction but he pushed it down, stifled it because thinking about that now would be _too much_. Instead he focused on what Arthur had to say.

"I didn't know at the time, that you would become such a constant in my life, only that you were somehow a part of it now. Because there's … there's something about  _you_ Merlin. And for that you are my friend. You were never  _just a servant_  Merlin."

The younger man just stared at the blond King in his hesitance in utter amazement and in that moment, he found there was only one thing he could say.

"But I'm happy with that," the blonde's eyebrows raised as he took in his manservant's smile, "I'm happy to be your servant Arthur … till the day I die."

 


	11. Let it burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because she'd taken it too far this time.
> 
> Because she'd hit too close to home.
> 
> Somewhere within himself Arthur knew that violence begetting violence really doesn't solve anything. A part of him maintained the notion of keeping the peace he was working towards.
> 
> But at this moment, this fragment of time; he found that in all of his anger and hatred that he had so long suppressed, he really didn't give a damn.

_"I'm happy to be your servant Arthur … till the day I die."_

The words resounded in his head like the continuous beating of a drum and it left Arthur disorientated. He couldn't shake the lingering notion that he had heard those words before. He couldn't help but feel as if those words… they were important.

The remnants of a long memory lingered, too far away for him to grasp. And just when he thought the meaning was clear, it was gone and Arthur was left unable to define their purpose.

_A whisper…_

_A spell…._

_A voice…_

_"It'll be okay Arthur, I promise."_

The King shook his head in befuddlement and reluctantly decided he was just imagining it.

His gaze flickered back to his unconscious manservant and a sigh escaped him. The boy had passed out moments after their conversation had ended; illness, exhaustion and overall stress finally too much for him to handle. Merlin frowning slightly in his sleep, at something that Arthur couldn't see, oblivious to the inner-turmoil that those soft-spoken words had caused his friend.

"What am I going to do with you Merlin?" He muttered as his eyes passed over the gaunt features of the younger man. Because let whatever protests Merlin makes be damned, he wasn't letting the lad out of bed until he was capable of standing on his own two feet.

"Can't have you making me look like I'm cruel to my servants, can we Merlin?" he muttered as he, after glancing over his shoulder to check Gaius wasn't there, lifted the thin blanket to drape over the sleeping man's soldiers.

_Because Gods forbid Merlin found out about to what extent the King cared to his young friend. Gods forbid he discovered that Arthur often thought of the man as his annoying, idiot of a younger brother. To admit that he cared for his servant was enough but… The idiot was already going to be insufferable as it was._

_And besides, it was unbecoming of a King to hold affection for his manservant._

Arthur ran a hand over his face and, with one last glance over his shoulder, exited the small room.

_Didn't mean that he would automatically stop caring for the skinny Clotpole. Ah, see! He even had Arthur using those ridiculous insults he'd come up with._

_Good Lord Merlin… what in all of Albion have you done to me._

Arthur was drawn quite abruptly from his thoughts as he narrowly avoided a collision with someone heading down the corridor in the opposite direction. But in the process he still managed to end up on the floor.

"Sire! I apologise, I wasn't watching where I was going."

A strong hand reached down to clasp his elbow and hauled the King to his feet and Arthur relaxed when he saw who exactly it was he had run into.

"The fault is mine Sir Leon," he held up his hand to silence any protests, "I was pondering something and lost track of where I was walking."

Leon nodded, though his reluctance at doing so was clear, "As a matter of fact Sire, I had come here to find you."

"Oh?"

"Yes my Lord, there is a Council meeting scheduled to take place within the hour."

Ah. Arthur had forgotten about that. The meeting was going to be held in order to discuss the situation with Morgana and her followers. For months now Morgana had been amassing an army of allies and soldiers in preparation to take on Camelot. The worry caused by this had cast a dark shadow over the kingdom, many fearful for they were still rebuilding some of what had been torn down in Morgana's last attack.

But now that they didn't even know what had happened to Morgana's body, or if she was dead at all, Arthur was at a slight loss of what to do.

But he did know one thing, a small part of him (suppressed though it was) was blinded by rage of what she had done to Merlin. And maybe, just maybe, that part of him would relish in her screams, taking a sick satisfaction out of watching the witch burn.

Because she'd taken it too far this time.

Because she'd hit too close to home.

Somewhere within himself Arthur knew that violence begetting violence really doesn't solve anything. A part of him maintained the notion of keeping the peace he was working towards.

But at this moment, this _fragment_ of time; he found that in all of his anger and hatred that he had so long suppressed, he really didn't give a damn.

Gradually, everyone filed into the room, weariness and fatigue weighing them down as they took their places at the grand table placed in its centre. The wooden structure being the only source of comfort in this difficult time; for while they were seated in council they were friends, comrades, equals. A privilege one was rarely afforded beyond Camelot's walls.

As each of them took their place Arthur took the opportunity to observe what they had become.

He couldn't help but remember the day that he knighted Gwaine, Elyan and Percival and… and Lancelot. How they stood around a table not unlike the one before them now, barring the fact that it was older, created in a time where the engravings that were now embedded in their own copy were able to be deciphered.

He couldn't help but compare then to now, smiling at the still resonating looks of strength, determination and of absolute loyalty. These were the faces of the guardians of Albion, noble blood or not, each and every one of them were strong then and were strong now.

They were a mere circle of red capes and weary faces but were strung together by a bond of brothers and of that shared history; that shared pain. Some, if not many, questioned the likelihood that he would succeed in what he was trying to do, the future he was trying to bring. But if this wasn't proof that the hopes they held would come to pass, he didn't know what was.

On his right, Gaius took his place and to his left Guinevere gave him a weary smile but then his satisfaction melted when his eyes fell on the chair to her left; the empty chair, always empty.

The chair stood with those of the royals and radiated an air importance and mystery, like a word left unsaid or a question still unanswered.

No one even knew why but for a reason that was unfathomable, no one could bring themselves take that seat. As if it were not meant to be filled, not yet and most certainly not by them.

It was as if it were waiting for someone, the right person perhaps.

And once again, Arthur found he was left with the lingering notion that he had missed something.

Pursing his lips, Arthur forced the issue to the back of his mind and cleared his throat loud enough to gain the attention of those around him.

"May everyone please be seated, I now declare this meeting of the Round table, in session."

Somewhere else in the castle, long fingers rubbed tiredly at shadowed blue eyes and pale hands raked over shaggy black hair. Blinking sleepily Merlin sat up with an air of dazed confusion and it took him a few moments to remember what had occurred before he fell asleep.

Cursing quietly at his lack of vitality he swept his gaze around his room and was slightly startled to find it was empty.

His eyebrows furrowed in a confused frown. "Gaius?" he called.

Receiving no answer from the next room, Merlin sighed and concluded that the old physician must be running some errands.

A hiss escaped him as his feet touched the cold stone floor and he hurriedly slipped on his shoes, humming happily at the warmth of the worn leather encasing his chilled limbs.

Getting out of bed and across the room to the door was more difficult than he expected and it occurred to Merlin that it may have been adrenaline that kept him upright earlier on. The second time out of bed however wasn't anywhere near as easy as the first and more than once Merlin had to stop to regain his balance as dizziness overtook him.

A glance at the window told him it was after noon, so he had managed to sleep for a few hours.

 _Maybe Gwen was right,_ thought Merlin, _maybe I shouldn't have gotten out of bed just yet._

Of course, being ever the rational one, Merlin decided this didn't mean he was staying in bed now.

Once in the main chamber Merlin stopped, glancing around for any sign of Gaius and his frown deepened when he found none. Breathing out noisily he made to move to the door, stumbling suddenly as a sharp pain erupted in his head.

"Ah!" A cry was torn from his throat and he felt his knees buckle as he collapsed, hands snapping up to clutch his head. His fingers pressed hard to his temple and his nails dug into his skin so hard the young warlock was sure there would be evidence in crescent shaped marks afterwards.

The room spun, his vision blurred. Merlin felt as if all strength had left him and all he could manage to process was the sharp pain of a probing in his mind, of a presence in his head that wasn't his own. A powerful being was attempting to force its way into his head, but who would do that? Who could have the _power_ to do that?

But then, before the worry was able to encompass him, the agony of the intrusion lessened to something gentler, something that if he didn't know any better, was apologetic. He echo of a grumbling voice of a deep timbre, an ancient voice, a familiar voice.

_'Kilgharrah.'_

And suddenly, as if the acknowledgement was enough to being satisfaction to the Great Dragon, he felt the presence leave. The pain melted away and awareness was returned to him.

He could still feel him though, far away from the kingdom and he could feel the dragon calling him to him. The creature's existence had been tinged with worry when he had felt him. Merlin concluded that he must have felt Merlin's distress but had been careless in trying to contact him from such a distance, especially when the reason for Merlin's pain was due to an injury sustained by his head.

The servant knew that Kilgharrah wanted Merlin to come to him. But he couldn't, not yet.

_'When I am well. I promise.'_

Gingerly clambering to his feet, stopping momentarily to mull over the inconvenience of the interruption, he crossed the room and, wobbling slightly, ventured down the spiral stairs.

He hoped there were at least guards at the door so he didn't have to go off on a tedious search around the citadel.

The wood of the door was rough under his touch as he opened it and poked his head outside. A wide grin split across his face when he spotted two men guarding the door. He knew these two. Maybe his luck was improving.

Gods! Merlin cursed under his breath. He probably just jinxed it.

He stepped outside, "Excuse me," he murmured quietly, "you wouldn't mind telling me where King Arthur is at this moment. Or the Court Physician for that matter."

The guards observed him with dubiousness, suggesting that they knew Merlin really shouldn't be out and about. But, as the vast majority of the Castle staff knew all too well of Merlin's stubbornness, they relented, albeit reluctantly.

"Both the King and the Court Physician are currently occupied," one of them informed him, "a Council meeting began about two hours ago and is still in session. You will find them there."

 

**~oO0**0Oo~**

 

"Okay Princess, let me get this straight." Both Arthur and Gwaine were on their feet, matching looks of stubbornness on either side of the table.

"You're telling me that Morgana may still be out there and you're just -- what? Refusing to do _anything_ about it?"

Arthur sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Sir Gwaine," Arthur spoke with a calm belied by the warning in the clenching of his jaw, "if you would just _sit down_ and allow me to elaborate-"

"No!" The other man growled, his nostrils flared and his cheeks flushed, "You can't just let this bit -- sorry -- _witch_ get away with this!"

Arthur gritted his teeth and restrained himself from rolling his eyes.

"We are not!" He leaned forward menacingly, slamming his hands down on the table, "Now if you would be so kind to SIT DOWN!"

Silence reined and no one dared draw breath as the two men glared at each other. A moment passed, then another and finally Gwaine gave in with a sigh and retook his seat.

"Thank you." Arthur sighed tiredly and sat back down as well, "Now, as I was saying, we need to make plans to send a patrol out. Search the area of and surrounding where Morgana was last seen and then make plans for a plan of attack. That is… depending on whether or not my half-sister is actually dead."

Leon frowned, "But sire, surely if it were that Morgana is alive we should have the majority of our troops stay here in case of an attack."

The king frowned in consideration, gnawing at his bottom lip as he did so and shook his head.

"You are right of course Sir Leon," he sent a small smile at his old friend, "but as it is, if Morgana is alive it is likely she is very weak and she'll have to take some time to amass an army to take us on."

This time Elyan spoke up, "My Lord, Morgana has been gathering allies and support for more than a year now, won't she just call on them."

Arthur nodded, "She may very well do so but these allies are spread out far and wide across the lands." He pointed out, "It should take some time for them to gather and plan for an attack. So I propose that we send out one of the knights seated here today to lead a small patrol to check for any signs of my sister."

Gwaine raised his hand with a bittersweet smile, "Hell, I wouldn't mind an opportunity to face off with the witch. I'll do it."

The discussion continued and so no one really noticed when a certain young man made his way discreetly into the room.

"Hey George," Merlin muttered to the other servant.

The other man sniffed haughtily and responded in a clipped tone, "Merlin."

He had to stifle a chuckle. Poor Arthur, he really didn't like boot-lickers.

The meeting went on and for a few minutes Merlin was glad to realise none of them had noticed him… but then again maybe he spoke too soon.

"Merlin!" Arthur growled in annoyance, "What are you doing out of bed! You're no use to me dead."

Merlin smiled brightly, "Aw Arthur, if I didn't know any better I'd say you cared."

Which of course he did, if the last few days told him anything at all, Arthur _did_ care. But Merlin figured it would be best that they continue with the same relationship dynamic for now, banter always tended to make them feel better anyhow.

The knights, Gaius and Gwen all turned to look at Arthur expectantly, who narrowed his eyes menacingly at Merlin, eyes that he could've sworn he saw flicker with concern.

"Oh don't be such an idiot Merlin," the king replied softly, "it's just that a perfectly decent servant is hard to come by."

Merlin grinned.

"But," the grin dropped, "you still haven't answered my question. What are you doing out of bed?"

He sighed and looked down, reluctant to admit he felt scolded, "Well-"

But Merlin never got to respond, because at that moment there was a knock on the door and it swung open to reveal messenger. The young man was panting harshly and his cheeks were flushed, like he had run all the way there.

Everyone turned to look at the boy in bewilderment but it was a moment before anyone did anything. With a shrug, Percival got out of his chair and made his way over to the boy in the doorway, leaning down as he whispered in his ear.

After delivering his message the boy scuttled of and the door shut. Percival turned back to them, expression grim.

"I'm afraid that sending out a patrol is unnecessary Sire."

Merlin felt his stomach drop and his heart filled with dread.

"One was already attacked this morning," the big knight sighed heavily, "those who survived all stated the same thing. Morgana has been sighted."

His blood froze in his veins.

"She survived."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the inconsistent updates, I'm afraid I'm not entirely sure where I want to go with this. So please put any questions or suggestions to me in the comments below. Thanks for reading!


	12. A near miss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But he never got to finish that sentence because at that moment, as if in slow motion, Merlin felt a hand grasp him from behind and heard Mordred cry out to warn him. He struggled in the man's grip but felt a knife being raised to his throat, flinching at the cool metal resting against his skin.
> 
> He vaguely noticed three other bandits surround them and hurriedly tried to think of a spell to get the guy off of him without accidentally getting his throat slit in the process.
> 
> He heard words spoken.
> 
> Search them.

As they walked out of the meeting Arthur pulled Merlin to the side and gave him a once over, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Merlin," he said softly, "are you certain that you're alright not resting? Maybe you should be in bed."

Merlin sighed, voice tinged in obvious exasperation.

"Arthur, I'm fine," he intoned, "all I needed was a bit of rest. Really. It's just a head injury, you and I both know that I've had far worse."

Arthur's face twisted as he attempted to withhold a blatant show of concern. He knew his manservant was right of course, not that he'd admit it. Merlin had been through far worse than this and Arthur, in an attempt to not show affection for the lower class, had always dismissed it and asserted that he be back at work the moment he was able or, the moment he could stand without assistance. Come to think of it, perhaps he had been a bit harsh in the past. But it was considered weak for someone to show concern for a peasant, much less a servant. Well, that was awhat his father had always taught him.

As he thought about it, the young King couldn't help but notice that he had, in a way, still displayed weakness in the fact that his reasoning for the decision was that he was reluctant to have Merlin absent from his side.

Needing your Manservant at your beck and call was a normality but insisting upon keeping the same manservant, no matter the disrespect he constantly underwent because of it and the lack of finesse in which Merlin did his chores, was simply odd. Odd in the way that it showed he needed the lad, now man, for something other than to look after him and his welfare.

But… that was exactly what he needed him for; he needed Merlin to be his friend, companion and his support. He needed someone to restrain him and to show him what was right when it was hard to differentiate from what was wrong. He needed… he needed something that was simply  _Merlin._ And Arthur suddenly felt incredibly stupid for not having noticed before. But then, maybe he had, subconsciously at least.

However, what was suddenly so obvious now, was that Arthur had rarely taken a moment to make sure  _Merlin_  was fine, should the opportunity arise. He could think of no more than a few times over the past- what, nearly ten years now –to make sure that the younger man was okay and even then it was only really when he had sustained a mortal injury or ingested some sort of poison… Which now Arthur thought about it happened quite often. Perhaps more often then was normal. Actually the more he considered it, the more Arthur couldn't help but notice that Merlin was actually quite abnormal-"

"Um, Arthur?" he found himself drawn from his thoughts as someone gave him a tentive nudge to his shoulder.

Glancing up his eyes met the concerned, albeit slightly confused, ones of the very manservant upon which his thoughts were currently focused. Shaking his head as if it would clear all thoughts that spurred confusion, Arthur gave the query a belated answer.

"Yes, Merlin?"

This garnered a concerned look from the younger.

"Arthur you haven't spoken for a while, you've just been… staring off into space, are you alright?"

Raising his eyebrows in a highly indignant manner, he responded, "Fine, fine of course, why wouldn't I be? How about you?"

Merlin bit his lip, "How about me… what?"

Arthur rolled his eyes at how utterly  _slow_ Merlin was being. Really. What an idiotic question.

"I mean," he said slowly, as if talking to a child, "how are you feeling? Shouldn't you be in bed?"

_Didn't we just go over this?_

"It's just a minor head injury, really Arthur, I'm fine!"

"You were out for days!"

"I've had worse!"

Arthur growled quietly, "I. Am. Your. King."

Merlin narrowed his eyes, "You. Are. An. Insufferable.  _Prat_."

There was silence for a beat and then Merlin sighed and ducked his head, muttering a few indecipherable insults that included the words, ' _Clotpole'_ and ' _Never used to be this pushy'_ before raising his head to fix Arthur with an expression that clearly portrayed that he was miffed.

"Arthur," he started, raising his hand to stall any interruption, "I get that you seem to be having some sort of mid-life crisis-"

"What? No I-"

"-And that it may have something to do with your," Merlin made a vague gesture, "recent weight gain-"

"Merlin how many times must we go over this?  _I am not_ -"

"-You know they say that admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery-"

"Alright, forget your health  _Mer_ lin, I may just kill you myself!"

"-But," Merlin continued, "There is no reason to suddenly become so overbearing! Seriously, you've somehow managed to be even more of a dollophead than usual!"

Arthur pinned him with a pointed look, "I'm merely worried that you may keel over on the job. I can't have it look like I'm mistreating you, now can I?"

Merlin snorted quietly, "Speak for yourself," he mumbled, "I've still got goblet-shaped bruises on my back."

"Look," Arthur continued, pretending not to have heard the muttered complaint, "I just want to make sure you're okay. After all," he smiled, "half-decent man-servants are hard to come by."

The warlock chuckled softly and grinned, "But I'm not that good."

"True."

The stood in silence for a moment, both clearly remembering the first time they had said those words and Arthur realised quite ironically that it was one of the few times he had actually been in danger of losing the younger man. In fact, he still counted it to be a miracle that Merlin survived the Dorocha. He still considered it to be one of the most amazing things that he had ever witnessed. The touch of the Dorocha was said to be death itself and any man to feel their curse died instantly. Some days, Arthur wondered what had blessed them to allow Merlin's survival.

But there had been so many close calls over the years, more than Arthur cared to count and probably more than he knew of, Gods knew the idiot got into enough trouble for it. He began to ponder, quite dreadfully, if one day their luck would run out.

Arthur sighed, "But really Merlin," he lowered his voice to softer tones, "are you alright?"

The raven-haired servant refrained from groaning and rubbed his eyes tiredly, "Okay look," Arthur nodded to show he was listening, "I've been Gaius's apprentice for just under a decade now, so I think I know the severity of my injury well enough to say  _with confidence_  that I should be able to work after another day of mostly resting. No strenuous activity and I'll be fine." He assured the worried King.

The elder of the two still looked to be slightly dubious but finally nodded in ascent. After a few more quiet words between them, they parted ways and went off to fulfil their own duties for the day. Well Arthur did and Merlin headed back to the Physician's chambers, debating within his head about whether he should rest or see if Gaius needed help with anything.

 

**~oO0**0Oo~**

While Arthur went to do training with the knights, Merlin was left sitting on a work bench watching his mentor move around the room in boredom.

"Please Gaius?"

A sigh sounded from the other side of the chamber, "No Merlin."

"But-"

"I said no." the Physician glowered at him, "We don't want you passing out in the middle of the corridor Merlin and if you really do want to get back to work as quickly as possible then I suggest that you  _rest_  my boy."

Merlin frowned and stuck his bottom lip out in a small pout, like the one a child does when they don't get their way, and pondered. Yes he understood the need for rest, but it wasn't as if he wanted to do something  _too_  strenuous.

"But Gaius-"

"My I am starting to understand why Arthur's always complaining about your problems with obedience."

"-surely there must be some sort of errand that needs doing!" he flung his hands in the air for emphasis, "You can't be doing all of this by yourself, you'll wear yourself out."

Gaius sighed and Merlin could've sworn he heard a muttered, "Gods give me strength."

The old physician turned to meet the wide, hopeful eyes of his ward and groaned inwardly. But supposed that he'd rather know what Merlin was doing than have him gallivanting off to do something that may get him hurt.

"Okay fine," he put up his hands in reluctant surrender. "There is something that I need. I'm currently brewing a tonic for the outbreak of influenza in the lower towns but have run out of a particular herb that may be found on the borders of the forest."

He opened a leather-bound book next to Merlin and flipped through the dusty pages until he found the herb he was speaking of and pointed it out to his ward. Merlin nodded happily, having fetched the herb in the past and remembering how to identify it.

He hopped off the table and cheerily headed to the door, "Well I suppose I'll just go get that now then!"

But call from behind him halted his movements, "Now wait just a minute young man," Gaius laughed somewhat smugly, "if you wish to collect the herb for me, I must insist that you take someone with you."

 

**~oO0**0Oo~**

 

Of all the things that could possibly interrupt their training, the knights, quite stupidly to be honest, hadn't even considered Merlin. Yet not an hour into their training session, a sheen of sweat already glimmering on their skin and the weight of their gleaming armour just beginning to cause them strain, they were halted in their activity by a slight disturbance over at the benches lining the area.

Arthur told them all to take a break when the weary looking servant appeared on the edge of the training field and at that moment there seemed to be a collective sigh. Whether it was of exasperation or resignation was debatable, as Arthur made his way over to the young man.

"What happened to rest?" he called, as he sauntered across the dew-speckled grass, "Merlin it's been less than an hour and already you're being disobedient."

He received a bright grin in response, "Ah but Arthur," the warlock shrugged somewhat helplessly, "I don't recall ever having promised to rest. I only remember assuring you that so long as I avoided strenuous activity I would be fine. I am quite sure that what I am about to do is far from stressful."

Arthur refrained from gritting his teeth, "And just what  _are_  you about to do?"

Merlin nodded, "Mhmm," he hummed happily, "I have convinced Gaius to allow me to run an errand but he insists that I only do it if I manage to obtain some company to take with me."

His king stood silent for a moment, uncertainty plain upon his features as he pondered an answer to the thinly veiled request. But before he could open his mouth to respond a voice cut through the conversation.

"Sire?" the pair turned to see Mordred cautiously making his way toward them, hesitance and determination both prominent in his movements. Master and servant exchanged somewhat of a wary glance. Neither really knew what to expect from the lad but made a silent vow to hear him out.

As Mordred came to a stop in front of them, the remainder of hixs composure crumbled and his eyes shone with nervousness. The two men took in his stature with a reasonable amount of caution.

Arthur cleared his throat, "Yes Mordred?"

The boy shuffled awkwardly, "I just thought, my Lord, that seeing as you are both," he made a broad gesture to the both of them, "here that I might take the moment to formally apologise if I am permitted to do so."

The King's brow creased and Merlin quickly cut in before Arthur had the chance to respond.

"That's fine Mordred!" he assured him and smiled as he saw hope flicker to life in the lad's eyes, "You have nothing to be sorry for, you were only doing what was right and what you could handle at the time. We don't blame you at all! Right Arthur?"

The blond yelped as an elbow connected with his ribs and turned to glare at his manservant in aggravation, " _What_  Merlin?"

Said servant met the glare with one of his own and nodded towards a hopeful but uncertain Mordred.

" _Right_  Arthur?"

Arthur stared at him blankly and blinked a few times before comprehension dawned.

"Ah, yes of course!" He nodded as if he had been listening all along, "All is forgiven Mordred you have nothing to worry about."

A bright grin settled over Mordred's features in response, "Sire I cannot tell you how much of a relief that is to me. I had been so worried for Merlin's health and couldn't help but feel it was my fault. I truly am very sorry Merlin, your Majesty." He nodded to each of them in turn.

They smiled in thanks, though Merlin frowned inwardly but remembered what Freya had told him.

_You have to trust him Merlin. It's your only hope._

"Well then sire," Mordred clapped his hands together, "I had best be off. That's all I cam to say and I am sure that you have things to do."

And with that, the ex-druid turned and began to walk away. Merlin turned back to Arthur, prepared to continue their conversation when he caught sight of the expression on the King's face and paused.

"Arthur what are you-"

"Mordred wait!" he cut him off, calling out to the retreating figure.

The younger man turned swiftly in response, "Yes Sire?"

"I was wondering if there is one last favour I may ask from you."

Arthur grinned and Merlin paled. He had a bad feeling about this.

 

**~oO0**0Oo~**

 

Merlin sighed contently, feeling the warmth of the Sun's golden rays falling across his face, contrasting with the icy nip of the chilled afternoon breeze. Tree branches forked out above him to form an arching shelter of leaves of every colour, casting a shadow on the earth below.

The ground beneath him was blanketed by shimmering snow, leaves and grass beginning to poke through its cold grip as the call of spring began to warm the earth. And the promise of new life, began to melt away winter's frigid grasp on the lands.

A bird swung by, carried by the wind, its song riding on the breeze.

It felt like forever since he had been out in the forest and it was simply wonderful… bar one small exception.

"So what is exactly is it that we're looking for?"

Merlin turned to Mordred with a small sigh and swore a silent oath to someday murder Arthur in his sleep before he answered.

"Just some herbs for Gaius, the Court Physician. He needs them by tonight and they should be around here somewhere." He said, turning on the spot look around the area. "Why don't you just keep a look out for anything that seems dangerous and I'll gather enough so we can leave."

They spent another hour or so out there, Merlin occasionally finding what he was looking for and picking some to put in a small worn pouch he had tied around his waist. By then it was nearing dusk and the sun was showering the sky with shades of pink, orange and red. The trees surrounding them cast longer, darker shadows as the world began to darken.

It was then that Merlin decided it was time to head back to the citadel.

"Well," he did up the pouch and turned to Mordred, "that should be enough. It's getting dark so we should probably head back now."

Mordred nodded and they began their walk back to the castle.

"So," Merlin offered, "do you have anywhere to stay tonight?"

Mordred nodded, scuffing his shoes as he kicked them softly at the ground.

"I'm just staying at The Rising Sun Inn."

Merlin paused, "The Rising Sun Inn, as in the Tavern?"

"Yep, that's the one."

Merlin whistled, "Well, speaking from experience, that's not the best place to sleep – especially when you're by yourself. I thought Arthur offered you some rooms." He frowned in confusion.

Mordred nodded again in response, "He did, but I didn't want to be any trouble since this is only a short visit-*

"Wait," Merlin held up his hand to stop him, "did you say you didn't want to  _cause any trouble_?"

He shrugged in response, "Well I've already caused enough trouble so I just thought-"

"No." Merlin stopped him, "Just no."

Maybe he had been a bit harsh in judging Mordred when they first reunited but now he was starting to reassess his opinion of the lad. Maybe Freya was right. Just because the prophets spoke of Mordred as being Arthur's downfall in the future didn't mean he was any danger to the King now. Actually, Merlin had a difficult time believing that this man would be capable of harming a fly.

"Mordred, have you seen the size of Camelot? How big the castle is?"

"Well, yes I have but-"

"We have  _plenty_  of spare rooms. I should know, Arthur makes me clean them!"

Mordred looked hesitant, "But I left you behind."

Merlin sighed and put a hand on the shorter man's shoulder to stop him.

"Yes, you did and Arthur is a bit upset about that I know." He agreed, "But that doesn't change the fact that you helped fight Morgana and practically saved the King! Not to mention that regardless of the fact that you left me down there I would have been dead anyway without your intervention in the first place!"

Merlin let that sink in for a moment before asking, "Okay?"

Mordred breathed out slowly and nodded, "Okay."

Merlin smiled and gestured for them to continue walking, "Alright then. When we get back up to the castle we'll ask Arthur-"

But he never got to finish that sentence because at that moment, as if in slow motion, Merlin felt a hand grasp him from behind and heard Mordred cry out to warn him. He struggled in the man's grip but felt a knife being raised to his throat, flinching at the cool metal resting against his skin.

He vaguely noticed three other bandits surround them and hurriedly tried to think of a spell to get the guy off of him without accidentally getting his throat slit in the process.

He heard words spoken.

_Search them._

Hands patted his clothes and tossed his leather pouch to the ground, herbs spilling out onto the dirt. Then out of the corner of his eye, Merlin saw Mordred free himself of the bandits grasp and thrust his hand out, eyes glowing gold, throwing the other men into the scrub. Unconscious.

The grip on Merlin tightened and his throat stung as the blade dug into his skin. He could feel the man's wet breathing against the back of his neck, his eyes watering at the rotten stench of his foul breath. Bile rose to his throat and he grimaced.

The man holding him flinched and cried out, "Sorcerer!"

And despite the severity of the situation both druid and warlock refrained from rolling their eyes.

_Seriously, what was it with these people and stating the obvious?_

Mordred took a step towards the remaining bandit, obviously preparing to knock him out as well but before he could the man shoved his dagger farther up Merlin's neck so it pierced the soft flesh of his jugular.

Then when he spoke his voice was rough and dry like sandpaper, "I should turn you into the King," he told Mordred, an air of smugness about him, "using magic like that. I'll bet that I get enough gold to last the rest of the season."

Mordred paused, eyes widening slightly in fear while Merlin grunted and struggled within the beefy man's grip, black spots beginning to obscure his vision.

The bandit grinned, "I'll bet you'd like that wouldn't ye?" he jeered, "Might hand this one in to, scrawny fellow he is, but I'll bet he's just as much of stinking sorcerer as you are!"

Merlin gagged as the blade was pressed harder to him and felt a shudder of fear run through him. But when he looked to Mordred he was shocked to find a rather different reaction from the boy. He was smirking.

He pointed at Merlin with a laugh, "Do you  _know_  who it is that you have there?"

The man grunted in response, "Well he's jus' a peasant, he is."

Mordred grinned, "That's the King's manservant. And trust me, King Arthur may well have me burned but," his expression morphed a malicious smirk, "don't think for a second that he won't have your head for hurting him."

The grip on Merlin slackened and he took the chance to wriggle free of his captors grip. Falling to the ground, he turning to see the bandit staring stupefied at them both in sheer horror.

Mordred's eyes flared gold and he took a step forward with his hand out-stretched, and before the bandit could get another word out, he was slammed into the ground ten feet away, unconscious.

A hand was offered and Merlin took hold of it to haul him to his feet, swaying slightly on the spot before Mordred steadied him. There was a beat of silence before Merlin decided to speak.

"Um… thank you for that."

Mordred shrugged, "You would have done the same for me."

Silently agreeing to not over-think the conversation, Merlin knelt down with a pitiful groan to gather up the remnants of the herbs and shuffled them back into the pouch.

With a nod, they headed back to the castle, silent for the rest of the journey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Just so you know, I have begun to lose interest in this so I think I'm going to wrap it up soon. If you have any objections let me know in the comments.


	13. What it Means to Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "A Knight? Me?" Mordred spluttered unintelligently, cheeks burning, "Sire your offer is quite gracious but surely-"
> 
> "Don't be so modest Mordred," Arthur grinned, patting him on the shoulder. "You saved Merlin's life, this is the third time you have done something for us beyond what we could ever expect from you. The least I could do is reward you with this."

"A Knight? Me?" Mordred spluttered unintelligently, cheeks burning, "Sire your offer is quite gracious but surely-"

"Don't be so modest Mordred," Arthur grinned, patting him on the shoulder. "You saved Merlin's life, this is the third time you have done something for us beyond what we could ever expect from you. The least I could do is reward you with this."

Sighing uncomfortably, the druid's gaze drifted to where Emrys was leaning against the wall on the other side of the room. His mind unintentionally jumped to how the King would react if he knew just  _how_ he had saved his manservant. Saying yes to this seemed dishonest; a reward for not telling the truth. The King was putting his trust in him and by accepting it, Mordred couldn't help but feel that he was betraying him. His stomach clenched and he could feel the building pressure of bile rising in his throat. He swallowed.

As if feeling his uncertainty from across the room, Merlin chose that moment to turn his head and their gazes locked. And suddenly Mordred felt as if the air had been sucked from his lungs in one fail swoop. Then he was trapped by eyes that had once reminded him of the sky, soothing to a child so lost to the world, but now could only be compared to the unrelenting waves of a restless sea. There was pain and turmoil in their depths and a power barely restrained, those eyes were so much  _sadder_ than he remembered.

 _What do I do?_ He thought, confusion and desperation bubbling in his gut. From what he had seen of Arthur, he was a good man and he admired him for helping him now and when he was a child but… he was the King of Camelot. Mordred wasn't sure if it was worth the instability, the complete  _lack_ of safety this would bring. Could he really bet his life on the dubious hope that this man would change? This man who had caused his kind so much pain? Would it really be  _worth i_ t?

 _It's worth it_ , a voice interrupted his thoughts so abruptly that he almost jumped. He hadn't realised he'd been projecting. Part of him registered that the would-be-once-and-future-king was still talking but he couldn't bring himself to take any notice. His gaze flickered back over to Merlin and he gazed at the skinny warlock beseechingly.

 _It just is,_ the encouraging smile the manservant wore belied the touch of bitterness to his words.  _You'll understand if you stay_.

But there was something in the way Merlin said that - the underlying uncertainty and creeping exhaustion - that caused the druid pause.

 _Why would you want me to stay_? Mordred responded with a frown.  _You don't trust me._

It wasn't a question.

As soon as the words formed resonance in his mind Mordred saw the other magic-user's face close, shuttering and shutting him out. Within a split second the other man had become a tightly strung bow, small and tense and –  _oh Emrys_  – so very  _weary_. In that moment he could see, as plain as day, how the last few years had taken their toll. Merlin's shoulders were hunched as though a force, an invisible and crippling  _weight_ , was pushing down from above. Sucking the life from his body, leaving a desolate shell with pale skin tinged with grey as blood moved sluggishly in webbed veins. Leaving him skeletal with dark smudges, dark  _shadows_ , under his eyes.  _In his eyes_.

There was pressure in the back of Mordred's throat and a pricking in his eyes. He swallowed painfully. This was wrong, this was all very, very  _wrong._  Emrys was supposed to be strong and bright and wonderful. By Albion, he  _was_. Maybe… maybe Arthur's reign had changed that.

But as he watched the warlock blinked, veil slipping as he seemed to come to a decision. Like a bell had rung in his mind and awoken him to the world Merlin unfurled from his slouch, spine elongating as he drew himself up to his full height. After a beat he tilted his chin stubbornly, jaw clenching and back straightened to a posture befitting of a noble. The change occurred in an instant.

And it left Mordred breathless.

How people passed by this man every day and failed to treat him as anything other than a servant was beyond him. Looking at him now, face set with determination, Mordred knew he was not seeing the manservant but this Kingdom's defender; the all-powerful Warlock who sent so many running.

This was the man who brought hope to a world that was rapidly descending into darkness.  _This_ was the most powerful man who would  _ever_ walk the lands, still a child compared to what he would be, but he was coming. Now. He would be here soon. There was an underlying strength there, a will which grew and hardened with each passing day, stronger than Arthur's knights and (dare he say it) maybe even stronger than the King himself.

Suddenly Mordred understood why the druids still believed in this man, in spite of everything that might cause others to doubt. He  _glowed_. The brightness, the purity and overwhelming  _power_ within him was almost blinding. It was restless, rumbling just below the surface. How Arthur didn't notice escaped him. But this was more than he remembered and Mordred  _knew_ that with each passing day, it would not stay hidden much longer.

Merlin was watching him warily but more certain than before.

 _Stay and earn my trust,_ Emrys whispered softly.  _Stay and I will tell you why. I'll explain everything._

Everything meaning he would finally get a reason for what the warlock had done, an explanation as to why he couldn't bring himself to trust the boy with the big blue eyes. It was time to start putting things right and it was going to start with him getting answers.

Mordred's heart thumped in his chest and he searched the other man's eyes for any hint of deception.

_Promise?_

Merlin's lips pressed together like he was biting back a smile.

_Promise._

So it was settled. Just like that.

Turning to Arthur, he was met with the older man watching the two of them with an odd look on his face. Right, that must've looked a bit weird.  _Who was he kidding it must have looked bizarre_. But seeing that the younger's attention was back on him the King belatedly opened his mouth to continue his speech.

Mordred stopped him before he could.

"I'll do it," burst from his lips before he could change his mind.

Uncertainty was still palpable within him but out of the corner of his eye he saw the King's manservant stretch him mouth into a broad grin. Casting his eyes over to the smiling man he felt something inside him unwind and relax. He was being given a chance. And suddenly, for the first time since he first stumbled into this kingdom all those years ago, he knew that everything was going to be just fine.

"You'll do it?" Arthur's unsure response drew him back to the present and he grinned.

"It would be an honour, my Lord."

**ooO~0~Ooo**

No one knew it at the time but sometime in the distant future, after the dust had settled, the people of Camelot would realise that, it started then. Now.

The prophets called it the beginning of the end. One day Merlin would realise that, had things gone differently, it probably would have been. But something greater began that day, in that moment – a fragment of a lifetime that would soon be forgotten. It was a thing that, at the time, seemed insignificant. Something that was insignificant.

Until it wasn't.

The wooden floors were swamped by a wave of red and speckled silver, but in a room teeming with knights, all was silent. Filtering rays of golden sun stretched through lofty windows and lit the hall with a warm glow; catching on Gwen where she sat smiling on her throne and Arthur where he stood in front, above them all.

All focus was on him. Him and Mordred, where the young man knelt at the King's feet. He was speaking to the younger man, asking a question; to which Mordred responded, an oath. A promise. It was all standard procedure, the same as many times before. But there was a feeling in the air, a change that some – if they tried – might even taste in the air on their tongue. That this time was different.

This – This time was important.

But even so, Merlin, from where he watched by the hall doors, was barely listening to what Arthur was saying at all. The spoken promises were being drowned out by thoughts that refused to be ignored and a lingering headache throbbing in his temple.

**ooO~0~Ooo**

Things rapidly began to spiral after that. But in the good way, Merlin thinks. Feasts and celebrations and patrols and training. The city was abuzz and Merlin found himself a bit lost amidst the chaos. Swept up in the whirlwind which Camelot became.

Arthur had been almost hyperventilating by the time Merlin and Mordred had returned, though he would scarcely admit so. Merlin was personally still in a bit of disbelief over the whole thing. They had returned late, having ventured deeper into the wood than intended and henceforth had arrived after night had fallen. A fairly significant time after they had left. Then, upon explanation and assurances Arthur had seen fit, in true Pendragon fashion, to knight Mordred for his trouble.

 _Because everything could be solved by giving someone a title,_  Merlin thought somewhat bitterly _, or a position in the Royal Household_.

Not to say that he wasn't grateful for the job which Uther had so long ago bequeathed to him, so much that was good in his life wouldn't be so if it were not for that night - when he saved the prince from an old woman's knife. He would not be Arthur's friend were it not for that night. Though Arthur surely wouldn't approve of him referring to them as such. 

In a matter of days the dizzy spells and headaches subsided, leaving the warlock well enough to begin his duties again. Properly this time. The knights were still somewhat on edge around him, guilt and apology painfully etched into the features every time they so much as looked at him. They would  _follow_ him. It was really quite incredible. They would offer to carry loads of armour and buckets of water when he was preparing a bath. But it got to the point where their hovering was so constant that Merlin eventually blew up at them, screaming that  _he was not incompetent, he was not an invalid and they should all get over themselves for heavens sake!_

After that at least people began to treat him normally again. Though there  _were_  moments when Merlin would turn to catch Arthur staring at him, upon which he would look away quickly, cheeks burning with embarrassment at being caught.

The first time it had happened Arthur had passed it off as glancing around the room, that it was almost an  _accident_  that Merlin's gaze locked with his. But on the night of the third time such a happening occurred, Merlin fell asleep with a smile on his face. It may be that he had never noticed before, or perhaps that it had never happened until now, but for Merlin it was the first time Arthur had truly seemed to  _care._

And it was one of the most wonderful feelings in the world.


End file.
